Authors: Candace & Erin,
Part 20 author: Erin
Fandom: Herc - Xena
Pairing: Herc/Iolaus a little fractured but established, Xena/Gabby in trouble but not over yet, Deimos/Phobos established, Auto/Iolaus done with, Gabby/Beraeus banging away, Ares/Joxer almost there, Cupid/Strife happening!!!!!!!1111!!!
Summary: Cupid and Strife work things out and get it on, Aphrodite has an announcement, Auto saves Joxer and Joxer and Ares finally talk.
Archive: Candace's Fugue, Erin's House-O-Fanfic, our LJs & RCoS
Feedback: You know you want to. Don't resist the urge....
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: SEX!!!!11!!!one!! Purple prose pouring forth as though a sewer runith over. Much making with teh mushiness.
Disclaimers: I don't owns them, but they're my preciousssss, yesss, theys are.
**^**^**^**^
paiR oF foolS
Part 20
^^*^^*^^*^^
"OK, that was." Cupid wasn't sure if he could find the right words to do justice to what they'd just witnessed. Fortunately Strife was there to help.
"Sick? Gross? Gag-worthy? Hurlsville? Up-chuck-o-rama? Blow chunks time?"
"Yea, all of that." The ex-love god turned to look at his beautifully bare chested cousin. "So, Strife, d'ya think we can get outta here? 'Cus it's gonna start ta smell funky pretty soon."
"Soon? It's already dere! But dat's why I got servants!" the ex-Mischief God grinned. "They'll clean all dis shit up, literally. 'N anyways, I got more den one bedroom! C'mon, Cupe!" Grabbing his gorgeously buff cousin, the dark haired ex-god dragged him out of the room and into the room next door.
"Ain't it da coolest, Cupe?" He grinned wider, waving his hand at the richly decorated bedroom as he kicked the door shut behind them.
"Uh, yea." The buff blond god looked around with a smile. "Almost Olympus worthy. Nice bed too." He focused on the huge piece of furniture taking up half the room.
"Yep. Kinda thoughtchyad like dat." Strife leered at him. "So how 'bout ya 'n me tryin' it out?"
"Ya mean that, Strife?" Cupe turned a hopeful look on him.
"Totally, Cupie. I been wantin' ta do dis forEVA!" the ex-Mischief God turned wide, blue eyes on his cousin.
"I can't believe ya want me, Strife, ya wanna have sex with me."
"'Cus I *don't* wunna just have sex!! I wunna *make* *love* ta ya, babe!!!" the dark haired man insisted, sliding closer to the bigger man. "I wunna do sometin' beautiful here, ya know what I mean?"
"O, *Strife*!!!" Cupid breathed the name, gathering his teary-eyed, black haired cousin close. "Do ya really *mean* that? I mean, I'm not talking just one *night* here, Strife, I wantchya for*EVER*, like, marriage-type!"
"Dat's what I *mean*, Cupie!!! I wanna be yer hubby!!! I wunna get hitched 'n be yer sweet little husband, 'n I want KIDS!!!"
"Ya. ya do?" Cupie breathed. He hardly dared believe his luck. "I've always wanted kids, but Psyche wouldn't have 'em."
"Dat's cus she wuz a frigid *bitch* who didn't know all da *joy* da little rugrats brin' inta yer life!! I wunna have yer *babies*, Cupie!!! I wunna have a *ton* of 'em, *all* *at* *once*!!!!!"
"O, *Strife*," the ex-winged ex-god hugged him hard. "I never thought I'd be this *lucky*!!!! We're gonna raise beautiful babies together, Strife!!! We're gonna coo over them, and blow raspberries on their tummies, and change their diapers, and it's gonna be so *WONDERFUL*!!!!!"
"Ain't it *evah*, Cupie? I just *LOVE* children, cus I'm mostly a kids god, ya know? All dat violence an' killin' stuff? It's n't really me. I mean, I do it cus it's my job, but I'm so inta kids and how *CUTE* dey are! I just wunna play wit kids *all* *day*, an' how better dan ta have *you're* kids?!?! I c'n't *wait* till I'm waddlin' 'round, nine mont's gone wit swollen feet 'n a bad back!!! I just *KNOW* I'll be so totally *happy* dat way!! Cus what male god *WOULDN'T* be?!?!?!?!?"
"Who *wouldn't* jump at the chance to have kids, Strife? You're so right. It's the most natural thing in the world for a god. And we should start *now*!!!"
"O, *so* totally!" Strife grabbed his cute cousin and crushed him close, then locked their luscious lips.
Mouths opened and tongues tangled, dueling in desperate desire. Like two cats in heat they grabbed at each other, bare skin sliding slickly as sweat began to build up. Cupie kissed his cousin hard, but softly, careful not to bruise the smaller man with his strong grip. Strife's skin was so smooth and white and pale and so soft to the touch and Cupe didn't want to hurt him.
"Have ya ever done this before, sweetheart?" the ex-winged blond man asked, pulling back gently.
Strife looked down, color tinting his pale cheeks. "Not gonna lie ta ya, Cupie, I was. I got gang-banged once a long time ago. It wuz way totally traumatic 'n I ain't never been able ta look at anoder man since. Dey wuz some mortals an' even dough I'm a god, dey got da bettah o' me. I been way scared o gettin' intimate-like evah since. Butchya know what, babe?" He looked up, tears spilling down his sallow cheeks. "It's OK, Cupe, cus dis is *YA*. *Your* da love O my life 'n I just *know* good sex is gonna solve all my deep-seated childhood trauma in 1 good orgasm."
"Yea, babe," Cupie whispered, his tears joining his cousin's. "From now on, *I'm* gonna protect ya and *nothing* and *noone* is *ever* gonna hurt you or our kids *again*!!!"
"O, *Cupid*!!!!" Strife gasped out his cousin's name breathlessly, breathless with overwhelming joy. "*Yer* what I been waitin' fer my *entiah* life!!!!"
And they kissed again, open mouthed and panting. Strife slid his hands around his cousin's back, stroking the hard muscles, relishing the shiver of pleasure it sent through the larger man. Then Cupid's hands were on him, moving over his back, caressing him like fine silk, playing him like an instrument. Cupie couldn't believe how good the smaller man felt against him.
//Take me back in the arms I love
Need me like you did before//
He found the fastening of Strife's pants and pulled them down, stripping him like a much desired Solstice gift, drinking in the sight of every inch of pale skin revealed to his needful blue eyes. He couldn't help caressing that skin, like the whitest milk, as precious as the finest gems, as was all of his cousin. And kneeling in front of him, Cupid moaned at the sight of his dark haired cousin's swollen spear of desire, leaking precious tears of longing for him.
//Touch me once again//
"O, *Strife*!!" Cupid breathed, then leaned forward and closed his mouth over the turgid shaft of love.
Strife gasped in strangled pleasure and caressed Cupie's blond hair, encouraging him as he moved on the dark haired ex-god's throbbing manroot.
"Cupie, baby, more," he gasped out, thrusting his hips forward but careful not to choke his precious love. But Cupid took him all, every inch of love Strife had to give, moaning with pleasure as his cousin filled his mouth over and over.
And then it happened, crashing over him like waves against a beach, Strife cried out in abandon, hands tightening in Cupid's hair as the earth moved for him, for them both because Cupid had never tasted anything so divine in his life. Even as a mortal, his beautifully pale cousin tasted so wonderfully sweet and tangy, like that wonderful cotton candy stuff he'd had once. It was awesome and the ex-winged man swallowed every last drop of the effervescent offering.
//And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more//
Pulling back, Cupie had to support his cousin who was staring down at him, tears falling freely.
"O, *Cupid*!!" Strife purred. "Dat wuz like, da *best*!!! Yer da *best*!!!"
"And there's so much more," the ex-winged man whispered wantonly. Picking Strife up easily, he carried him over to the bed where he set him down gently, then pulled off his own clothes.
"Wow, Cupe, is *dat* all fer *me*?" Strife said coyly, winking at him before reaching out to caress Cupid's achingly long sword of destiny.
The bigger man groaned and pushed into his cousin's knowledgeable grip.
"Psyche has *nothing* on you, Strife!!" he admitted with a deep groan.
"Dat's cus she couldn't love ya like I do. I'm always gonna be heah fer ya, cuz, *always*!!!" Strife knelt up to kiss him lovingly.
//I'm the one who'll stay
When she walks away//
Cupid pushed him back down onto the bed, sliding his large body over the smaller man's, rocking their hips together like canines humping a table leg. It was Elysium, being this close to the man he'd loved for so long, touching his soft skin, caressing his sweetly peaked nipples, feeling his manhood pulsing against his thigh. The blond man groaned and kissed him harder.
"All fer ya, Cupe," Strife promised gaspingly. "Never gonna want noone else."
//And you know I'll be standing here still//
"I wantchya ta take me, Cupie, baby," he whispered hotly into his cousin's ear. "I wantchya ta be in me 'n rock my world 'n get me knocked up!!! Yer my soul 'n inspiration, Cupid!!!"
Cupie groaned with the swelling of sweet desire Strife's words stirred in him. "O, sweetiebaby!!!" he moaned as his cousin's trembling thighs spread for him. "Your the wind beneath my wings, Strife."
"Dat's da sweetest tin' anyone's EVA said ta me!!!" Strife sobbed brokenly, tears dripping down his cheeks in happiness as he locked his ankles around the bigger man's back.
"I'm gonna make it the best for ya, Strife," Cupid whispered promisingly, lining up his scepter of godly desire with his cousin's quivering cavern of molten delights. "I love you," he whispered, and when he pushed in, Strife whispered it back and opened for him like they were made to fit together.
//I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more//
The ex-Mischief God moaned and gasped in amazed pleasure as his body fit around Cupid's pumping piston of passion like a glove. It was the most exquisite sensation he'd ever felt in his life, like their bodies were more than just joining, like they were becoming one, body and soul. It was more than a mating of the flesh, it was a melding of the spirits. Strife broke out in joyful sobs as his soul seemed to become one with his cousin's. Clutching his thrusting cousin close, he literally buried his face in Cupie's shoulder and keened in rapturous pleasure, the intoxicating sensations of being possessed, loved and cherished bursting inside him like the break of dawn on the darkest night.
Cupid was sobbing too, the combination of the clutch of his cousin's tightly clenching, trembling passageway of slick ecstasy and the feel of his soul becoming one with Strife's, like the melding of two imperfect beings into perfection itself, was too much for him to bare stoically. Tears fell freely down his tanned cheeks, wetting his cousin's black hair and dripping down Strife's pale shoulder as they rocked together towards bliss.
//You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more//
Strife gasped in ecstatic shock when the first wave of orgasm rolled over him like the gentle swell of a ship at sea. He moaned into his cousin's shoulder, holding him tighter. And then Cupid was coming, groaning deeply as it struck him like lightening out of clear blue sky, as blue as the eyes of his heart's desire. They came as one, over and over, multiple orgasms wracking their tense bodies, making them grasp and clutch at one another desperately, their tears of soul deep joy mingling as their very selves mingled.
When it was finally over, they collapsed together, unable to release each other, dreading the thought of ever being separated.
"O, **CUPIE**!!!" Strife moaned in inexpressible happiness. "I feel so totally *awesome*!!! Dat was da *best*!!! I just *knew* ya'd make everytin' alright fer me!!!"
"You're the light of my life, Strife!!" Cupie vowed, kissing his cousin's sweaty face, loving every inch of him.
//See me as if you never knew
Hold me so you can't let go//
"I always wunna be in yer arms, Cupie, baby. I'm gonna marry ya, 'n we're gonna live tagethah in total bliss!!!"
"Oooo, *Bliss*!!! That's such a perfect name for our first little munchkin!!!"
"In't it dough?" the dark haired god sighed happily, tightening his grip on his cousin. "We're like, so **perfect** fer eachothah, Cupie!!!"
//Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know.//
"Oh, wow!!! Like, you two are the totally *cutest*!!"
The familiar voice did what neither cousin had been able to do on their own, it had them pulling away from each other and scrambling for something to cover up their nakedness.
"*MOM*!!!" Cupie whigned as he finally got hold of the cover and dragged it over his lap.
"I just *knew* you boys could do it!!!" Aphrodite squealed happily, bouncing on her feet.
"What're ya talkin' 'bout?" Strife asked grouchily, huddling under the blanket with his cousin.
"You *did* it!!! You made a couple fall in love without any magical items and without your powers!!! You guys rock!!" She stopped bouncing, although it took her breasts a while to catch up with the idea.
"We did?" Cupid shared a confused look with his cousin. "Who?"
"*YOU*, you idiots!!!" the Love Goddess squealed again, a high-pitched sound of happiness.
Strife stared at his cousin, open-mouthed. "We. we did, didn't we?" he whispered finally. "We're in love, right?"
"O, *totally*, don't *ever* doubt that, Strife!!!" Cupie sword, pulling the dark haired man close. "I love you for*EVER*!!!"
"And I love you, honey!!!" the ex-Mischief God kissed him hard.
"You guys are so *sweet* together!!! Oh, I've gotta go plan the *wedding*!!!" Aphrodite shrieked in delight and disappeared in a cascade of rose petals.
"Hey!" Strife tore his lips from Cupid's reluctantly. "Take us witchya!!!"
"It's OK, Strife," his cousin said with a grin, tapping him on the shoulder. "Check it out."
The dark haired smaller man gasped in shock when he realized Cupid's wings were back. "Wait a sec!!" Strife snapped his fingers. and suddenly he was clothed in his normal black leathers. "**##YES##**!!!!!!!!!" he shouted.
"Didjya haf'ta get dressed?" Cupid pouted.
"We'll make love again, Cupie, don't worry 'bout it. 'Sides, I tink I'm already knocked up!! We gotta go see Aunty Gaia, *she'll* confirm it, or Ace!!!" Strife grabbed his hand. "We don't need dis mortal crapola anymorah. We're back, Cupie!!!" he grinned, then vanished, taking his cousin with him.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Joxer screeched as he fell, certain that he was about to die and regretting everything he'd never gotten to say to his friends and the man he loved more than life itself. Tears dripped down his face as he mourned all the lost chances.
Then suddenly his fall came to an abrupt halt. He hadn't hit bottom, he was pretty sure he would've noticed that if he had. It was more like he just stopped for no reason. He couldn't see anything in the black pit, but he was pretty sure he was suspended in mid air.
Then he realized there was something around his arm, holding him tightly, keeping him from falling anymore.
"Hold on, Joxer! I'll pull you up!!"
He *knew* that voice! It was *Autolycus*!!
"Auto!!!" he yelled. Then suddenly he was being pulled up.
Long moments later, he saw the thief's familiar face at the edge of the pit.
"*Gottchya*!!" the dark haired man grinned triumphantly.
"How did you *find* me?" Joxer asked gratefully as the thief pulled him out of the pit.
Auto shrugged as he unwound the rope from around Joxer's arm. "O, you know, I was getting out of town, taking a short cut I know down a hill. Basically I just followed the trail of armor you dropped."
"O, heh." The Wannabe-Warrior grinned. "Do you *know* this place? I mean, it gives me the creeps."
"Really? I've been here lots of times. Bad taste in graffiti and statues, but otherwise I don't see anything wrong with it." Autolycus shrugged.
"It just makes my skin crawl." Joxer looked at the drawings on the wall in trepidation. "Especially that one." He pointed to the life-like statue with all of the offerings.
The thief frowned at it. "Yea, that one is kind of weird. Especially those missing eyes." Then something occurred to him. "Heeey, you know what? I just found something that might." Before he could finish, a flash of orange light filled the cave.
"**Ares**!!" Joxer gasped when the War God materialized in front of them. "Look, I *really* didn't mean to get between you and Xena!!"
"Me and *Xena*?!" Ares frowned down at Joxer. Once again he'd found his love with someone else, although it did look like they had their clothes on, so there was still hope. "Xena is my *daughter*! Not my *lover*!! No, Joxer, it's *you* I want as my lover!!!!" he admitted desperately.
"*ME*?!?!?!" Joxer could hardly dare hope he was hearing that right. "But. but. I've always wanted *you*!!!"
"*Really*?!?" Ares breathed, tears welling up in his chocolate brown eyes.
"Uh, you know what? I think I'm gonna leave you two alone now," Auto said, getting to his feet and backing away. In the process though, he tripped over something and stumbled, and that's when the crown jewels of Zebron fell out of his vest.
(&&)(&&)(&&)
Lyrics from, "To Love You More" by Celine Dion
Erin
Purveyor of Prolific Purple Prose
Pop psycholigist to the gods
Keeper of Cupid's scepter of godly desire
Erin's House-O-Fanfic
http://www.slashaholics.org/erin/warning.html
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My FanFiction.Net page
http://www.fanfiction.net/~erinstrifelvr
My page on AJCS (come laugh at the typos in my fic)
http://www.aresjoxercupidstrife.com/erinl.html
The old KSA archive with some of my old fic on it
http://www.slashaholics.org/ksa/index.htm
Joxerotica II, because I'm archived here.
http://www.joxerotica.com/
Hey, I'm archived here too!
http://www.asherasarchive.com/main.html
Title: Pair of Fools 21/31
Authors: Erin and Candace - Harlots of the Hercuverse
Part 21 author: Candace
Fandom: Herc - Xena
Pairing: Nobody gettin' nothin' in this here part.
Summary: Gabrial must chose between the live of a wandering lezbo and the status of a dead king's hore. Autto puts the Crown Jules of Zebron to good use.
Archive: Candace's Fugue, Erin's House-O-Fanfic, our LJs & RCoS
Feedback: C'mon. Make my day.
Rating: PG
Warnings: scary white light a la Stephen King and naked men
Disclaimers: la-la-la
=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=
PAIR OF FOOLS
Part 21
=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=
“Er, what’re those?” Joxer asked curiously.
“Wha? Uh, these? Well, they’re...uhm.... Well, you see....”
Ares continued to leak tears of joy, oblivious to the jewels.
“It’s funny,” said Joxer, “But I think these would be just the right size to fill in those empty eye sockets.”
“Gee, that sounds familiar,” Auto said caustically. “And besides. Why would I waste a pair of priceless peridots just so that *you* can feel less uncomfortable about a blind statue staring at you?”
There was a loud swooping sound, and Joxer winced as the tiny hairs that grew from his ears were halved as Ares sword sliced the air beside his head, coming to rest a quivering centimeter from Autolycus’ Adam’s apple.
“My schmoopie-bear wants the stones in the eye sockets,” he growled. “Do it. Or die.”
“Oh. Well since you put it so *nicely.*” Autolycus rolled his eyes and gathered the Crown Jewels of Zebron from the ground. He approached the statue with trepidation, noticing all the details he’d never had cause to observe before; the molded, curled hair at the brow, the hammered bronze crown on the head, the high cheekbones and delicately peaked upper lip.
“Doesn’t it make you just a *little* nervous that I’m putting the *Crown Jewels of Zebron* in to the *empty eye sockets* of a statue that looks *just like* King Beraeus?”
“No,” said Joxer happily. “Should it?”
Muttering something that could have been either “walking dead” or “day-old bread,” Autolycus pressed the Crown Jewels of Zebron into place and shielded his eyes as a cutting white light began to leak around them.
*****
Sweating, covered with blades of grass and bits of gravel, spent with pleasure and dizzy with contentment, Gabrielle lay in the strong, cool arms of her lover. Beraeus--*King* Beraeus--gazed at her with cloudy, bluish eyes, a tiny smile playing on his lips. “Tell me...another story,” he said, his voice low and slightly garbled.
“Once upon a time there was a queen who had two foolish bodyguards. They came across a little green apple growing on a tree--”
“**#*URK!!*#**” Beraeus contorted, eyes pressing shut, his back arching so sharply that his shoulderblades nearly met the backs of his knees. And then he straightened, head listing, arms protruding at awkward angles.
"Beraeus? My little mince meat pie? You’re *scaring* me!!”
The Dead King opened his eyes and a white light welled forth from them. He clutched his empty fingers on the night air, as if grasping for some sort of assistance.
“Stop that!” Gabby shrieked. “This instant!”
“Blood calls blood,” Beraeus said in a voice like tar in July. “I am sorry. My love.” With that, his body grew transparent, wavering, the cold white light of his eyes seeping toward the periphery of his face, spreading outward and limning his whole body in chill illumination. For a moment he was too bright to look at, and when Gabrielle closed her tearing eyes, an afterimage of Beraeus was burned on the insides of her eyelids, red and green. And when she could finally force her eyes open again, he was gone.
A large bush beside her rustled, and Xena stepped forth, hauling a weeping Hercules behind her.
“Gabrielle!” said Xena. “Where’s Iolaus.”
Gabrielle blinked. “I, uh. I imagine he’s in the inn.”
“Okay, thanks.” Xena whisked Hercules toward the inn.
“Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m naked?” Gabby called after them.
“There’s no time!” Xena said briskly, dragging Hercules around the corner toward the entrance.
Alone, Gabrielle blinked back tears, licking the slightly sweet, slightly bitter taste of her lover from her lips. She was torn. She could follow after Xena, who would continue to take her for granted. Not in a bad way, but still. Xena would just assume that Gabby would be there for her. She would occasionally reward her with a warm look, a caress on the cheek, or a line about being the other half of her soul. But Xena hardly ever sexed her up.
Or Gabrielle could go after Beraeus. Being a Dead King’s concubine wasn’t nearly as exciting as being a wandering lesbian, but maybe Gabrielle could make that sacrifice in order to be with someone who found her so riveting. And who ate her out like he was starving for her womanly joy-juice.
Still, there was the matter of that scary white light leaking from Beraeus’ eyes. As well as the fact that she didn’t know exactly where he was, or if he even still existed.
Gabrielle pulled on the remains of her green bra-top and scowled. She had some serious choices to make.
*****
Iolaus woke with a start as the door to his room burst open. Two strong figures strode forth, backlit by the ambient light of the hallway. Hercules, he’d know anywhere. Xena too, for that matter. He’d done them both. But never together.
He was mad at Herk, though. And besides, he was starving.
“Get out of here and don’t come back without a pizza!”
“What is this ‘pizza’ he speaks of?” Xena scowled.
Hercules sighed, brushing away his tears. He knew the way to his man’s heart was through his stomach. “Something we saw on a food vendor’s cart on our way into Zebron.”
“You’re a worthy adversary,” Xena told Iolaus through slitted eyes.
“Out!” he shouted, throwing a boot at them that bounced off the doorframe.
*****
Autolycus’ mustache stood on end as blue-white sparks crackled through the chamber, and the stale air took on the crisp smell of ozone. He looked at Ares and Joxer and couldn’t help but laugh; Ares’ long, dark curls floated around his head in a great black nimbus, while Joxer’s hair stood out like a Chia Pet’s.
Then he touched his own hair and realized he probably had nothing to snigger at.
The whole chamber glowed with eerie, magical light, and suddenly Ares, who had been holding Joxer’s hand, released it with a yelp. Auto realized it Joxer was starting to glow brighter than the rest of the chamber, the force of the electricity raising him higher, floating him off the ground, his hands spread as if in benediction.
It was probably a good thing he’d rolled out of all that armor earlier. Electricity and metal can be a really lethal combination.
And then he realized that what he’d taken for an afterimage was actually a *second* glowing form. As Joxer floated and writhed, his feet kicking, the second body began to take shape and gather form in the air beside him, hands and feet spread wide just like Joxer's, head tilted to one side.
“Beraeus,” Autolycus breathed dramatically.
Light crackled around Joxer and Beraeus like miniature lightening, pure, bright blue around Joxer, yellow-tinged green around Beraeus. Their backs arched as if in pain while the light scoured their bodies, burning Joxer’s clothes away into ash, until both men were suspended in the center of the archaic chamber, writhing as the colored light crackled over them.
After a great while, the naked pair of light-scoured men floated downward, the light dimming until it was nothing more than an intermittent series of snaps, crackles and pops, highlighted by tiny green or blue sparks.
“Joxer,” Ares asked, once the room stopped humming. “What happened, my love?”
Joxer looked up, and his eyes glowed with an unearthly blue light. “O Ares--now I remember it all?”
“Remember what,” Autolycus asked.
Beraeus raised his head, and his eyes glowed an eerie green. “He remembers our godhood.”
*****
Candace
Godifier Extraordinnairre
www.candace1.com/fugue
Title: Pair of Fools 22/31
Authors: Candace & Erin, sirens of songfic
Part 22 Author: Erin
Fandom: Herc-Xena
Pairing: everyone's pretty established at this point, but there's a real cool mystery m/m going on!!!!
Summary: Someone gets it on! Xena and Gabs talk it out, Joxer does some 'splaining, and Auto runs into his destiny.
Archive: Candace's Fugue, Erin's House-O-Fanfic, our LJs, RCoS
Feedback: I'm starting to not feel the love
Rating: NC-17 for teh makeup sex
Warnings: sex, sex and more sex
Disclaimers: 0_o
/\<>/\<>/\<>
pari of Fools
Part 22
/\<>/\<>/\<>
The smaller man moaned with unbridled ecstasy, writhing against the larger man whose mouth was around his pulsating cock.
"O, yea, o, yea, o, yea," he said sobbingly, thrusting harder into that cavern of delights. "You could always do me so perfect!!!!" He came hard, spurting deep into the clenching throat, and even as the brown-haired man pulled off of him, the smaller man was getting hard again.
"I love how you can keep up with me!!" the larger man growled enticingly.
"Yea, baby, you know it. Now fill me up with that mighty man-meat!!!" The shorter man reached down to grab hold of his lover's straining staff of love. He couldn't span it even if he'd had three hands, it was made to spear him to ecstasy.
"You know I want to honey, but we gotta get you stretched out first. You know I never want to hurt you. You're just so delicate."
"I know, babes, so do me hard and do me now." The smaller man flipped over onto his stomach and spread his legs wide in invitation. "There's a few dozen cruets of oil on the table, so lube me up and slide home to the finish line, big daddy."
The brown haired-man dumped the first thing of oil over his hand and proceeded to jab his fingers carefully into his lover's quivering hole, first one, then two, then three, then four. "O, you're so tight, love!!!" he gasped in worried delight.
"Don't stop!!! I'm cuming!!!!" the shorter man whigned as the fingers were withdrawn and he felt a sense of loss.
"I need to stretch you more, pookiebear. My cock's as long and as thick as my muscular forearm and I don't want to damage your delicate tissues."
"You're so *thoughtful*, hunk-o-love!!!" the smaller man cooed, spreading his legs wider.
The larger man inserted grabbed another thing of oil and doused his hands again. He pushed his fingers in again, first one, then another, then the third, then the forth, then the fifth, and then he started on the fingers of his other hand.
"Nope, still not enough," he sighed in disappointment, even as his lover's muscles contracted as he came again. "We need more oil."
The blond haired smaller man groaned as the shudders of a multiple orgasm went through his little body. "OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!! UUUUUUGGGGG!!!! NNNNNNGGGGGG!!!! O, baby!!! I'm aching for that love muscle of yours!!!! Get that thick schlong in me *NOW*!!!" He grunted as he came again and spread his legs wider.
"Not just yet, lover, we need even more oil," the larger man said as he dumped five bottles of it over his hands. "My hands and my arms aren't stretching you enough to take my fat meat stick, we need something else!!! Maybe I should try my toes and feet."
"There's a table over there, use the table legs, baby!!! Hit my prostrate with those mothers!!!" the younger, shorter man howled as another orgasm swept through him. He spread his legs wider.
{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}
Standing out in the hallway, the stoic Warrior Princess leaned back against the wall, skillfully cleaning her nails with a knife. Occasionally a bit of nail would go sailing out into the hall, zinging off walls and floors and ceilings and knocking out whoever was in the way.
Gabrielle walked down the hall towards her once-lesbian lover. "Hey, Xena," she said sweetly, ducking as a bit of nail flew her way. "Can we talk?"
"So talk," the dark haired Warrior Woman said succinctly.
"It's like this," the Amazon Bard leaned against the nearest door. "I love you, Xena, but you don't pay enough attention to my sex drive. I mean, I love traveling and doing naughty lesbian things, but I have this need to ride a big, thick love lollipop too, you know?"
"Ah yes," Xena's eyes narrowed knowingly, "the call of the fleshy flugelhorn, I know it well."
"See! You *know* what I'm talking about!!! But.the thing is.I don’t' want to leave *you*!!!" the blond bard batted her beautiful eyelashes as she spoke. "I want your honeypot of liquid love *and* a raging piece of fuck muscle to ride too!! And.and.I think I've figured out a way.if he's still alive." That made her frown because she really didn't know if the Everhard King was still in the land of the living or pushing up daisies with that throbbing giggle stick of his.
"You want a *man* to join us?!" the Warrior Princess' head snapped around to stare at Gabby in shock.
"Yea, I know, it goes against the wandering lesbian code, but think of all the fun we can have with a guy who never goes soft!!!!!"
"Hmmmm." Xena mused thoughtfully, sending another bit of nail flying down the hallway. "Your points are valid and worthy of much thought. But we should talk about this elsewhere."
"Why? Can't we, you know, make up here?" the Amazon Bard cooed seductively.
"Your woman juices of delight are indeed a hard call to resist," Xena admitted hissingly, "but we should vacate this area immediately."
"But why." Gabrielle was suddenly interrupted as the door she was leaning against suddenly bulged outward alarmingly. "**XENA**!!!" she gasped in shock.
The dark haired woman grabbed the smaller woman and yanked her aside, and not a moment too soon as the door crashed off its hinges and an ocean of oil and semen, dotted with bits of pizza, spilled out into the hallway.
"O, gods, **HERK**!!!!" a voice moaned from inside the room. "I'm coming *again*!!!! Get that thick ram rod in me **NOW**!!!!!!"
"Not yet, Iolaus-buddy, you're not ready for it!!! We need more oil!!! And the Jaws of Life!!!!"
[][][][][][][][][][][][]
"O, *Ares*, it's *wonderful*!!!!" Joxer gasped in wonderment. "I *remember* now!!! I'm the God of *Peace*!!!"
"The.God of.Peace?!?" Ares said hesitantly, hopeful but scared to believe his good fortune -- and desperately trying to keep his eyes above waist level. Just the thought that his honeybear was standing there naked made him blush, he couldn't look. "But.but that would make you my *opposite* the *perfect* balance for me!!!" Tears glittered in his luminous brown eyes.
"I *know*!!!!" Joxer cooed happily, then seeing his soon-to-be lover's modest blush, he waved his hand and clothed himself in white robes in a muted flash of white light. "O, sweet snookie-poo-cuddle-mumkins!!!" He threw his arms around the War God and held him tight as Ares collapsed in his arms and sobbed against his shoulder.
Beraeus rolled his eyes, standing happily naked and not inclined to do anything about it. Although his incessent hardon was a different matter.
"I don't have to be the Big Bad God of War anymore, Jox!!!" Ares whaled happily. "You'll be there to protect me from Zeus if he tries to beat me into starting another pointless war or killing more innocent mortals!!!!"
"That's right, my Big Bad Fluffball of Love!!" Joxer agreed, rubbing his back soothingly. "I'm gonna make everything *right* in your world, 'Res!!!"
"Well, this is.sweet," Auotlycus said, fighting down the vague urge to vomit. He glanced over at the silent, newly divine King Beraeus. "So.what's your story, kingy?"
"I am the God of Nymphomania and Necrophilia," the once-dead but now living king intoned dramatically, then leered as he suddenly found a focus for his unquenchable lust.
"Whoa, Tartarus of a job description there, man." The thief took a careful step away from the darkly domineering looking man, which also, conveniently, took him that much further away from Ares and Joxer who were now sobbing openly over each other.
"The areas of specialty overlap." Beraeus leered stepping closer to the thief. "It also means I'm insatiable, Autolycus."
"Uhhh.that's great, really. Gotta go now!" Auto started to run from the room and collided with a figure materializing out of thin air.
"*Hey* watch it!!!" Discord shrieked at the mortal who'd caused her to lose her balance and fall.
"*You're* the one who just came outta nowhere!!!" the thief pointed out sarcastically, then he got a good look at her. "Whoa, momma!!! Hellllo, nurse!!! Tell me something, princess, is there anything the King of Thieves can do for you? Could I do you the great honor of stealing your virginity?"
The dark haired goddess blushed and giggled. Noone had *ever* talked to her like that and she *liked* it! "Sorry, stud, but that was up for grabs centuries ago," she said sadly, wishing that a big hunk of man like this one had been the one to make the world move for her. But then she saw the naked, hard man standing behind him and Discord's eye's widened and then narrowed in fury.
"**##YOU##**!!!!!" She shouted in anger, shooting to her feet. Stepping around the fallen thief, she hauled off and whacked Beraeus upside the head. "Where the *fuck* have you *been* all these decades?!?!!?"
"Cursed," the other god replied briefly, rubbing his jaw.
"Yea, you're a *curse* alright!!!" Discord spat. "You left me *knocked* *up*, you moron!!! You've got a *son* running around!!"
"A son?" the ex-king turned god frowned, then grinned. "I have a son!!! Is he as good looking as me?" He glanced down at his twitching swizzle stick of delights. "Is he as hung?"
"He's a pain in my ass!! Strife is nothing but trouble, but I love him and all these years I was never able to tell him who or where his father was because I couldn't *find* you!!!! What the *fuck* happened?!?!?!?!" she demanded shrilly.
Beraeus sighed, realizing his need to plow someone's fields wasn't going to be satisfied any time soon. "It's a long story."
$@$@$@$
Erin
Dryer of Ares' endless tears
Supporter of Beraeus' endless libido
Erin's House-O-Fanfic
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My FanFiction.Net page
http://www.fanfiction.net/~erinstrifelvr
My page on AJCS (come laugh at the typos in my fic)
http://www.aresjoxercupidstrife.com/erinl.html
The old KSA archive with some of my old fic on it
http://www.slashaholics.org/ksa/index.htm
Joxerotica II, because I'm archived here.
http://www.joxerotica.com/
Hey, I'm archived here too!
http://www.asherasarchive.com/main.html
And here!
http://www.redkrowe.com/~jla/
Title: Pair of Fools 23/31
Authors: Erin & Candace, Olympus' matchmakers
Part 23 Author: Candace
Fandom: HtLJ/XWP
Pairing: add Gabbie/Xena/Beraeus to the list
Summary: A Preparation. A Revelation. A Proposal. A Proclamation.
Archive: Candace's Fugue, Erin's House-O-Fanfic, our LJs, RCoS
Feedback: We can always stop posting, ya know.
Rating: PG-13 for full frontal male nudity
Warnings: Bad accents and worse backstory. Necrophilia and twincest implied.
Disclaimers: ¡Arriba!
+=+=+=+=+=+=
PARE OF FOOLS
Part 23
+=+=+=+=+=+=
Effervescent with glee, the dark godling wriggled his fingertips as he adjusted the decor in Zeus’ main hall on Olympus. “¿Lessee, maybe whee need to go wit’ de oranges and de pine boughs, no?” A profusion of deep green swags festooned the snow white columns, dotted with fragrant clusters of oranges ranging in color from delicate citron to nearly red.
Strife scowled and crinkled his nose. “¡Ai! That don’ work. Maybe whee need to go wit’ de night-blooming orchids an’ strings of de walnuts.” He clapped his hands together and the decor adjusted itself again.
Cupid sauntered in, flexing his breathtaking wings behind him. “It doesn’t matter, Cous. I’d marry you in a reeking pit of sewage.”
The smaller god scowled and snapped his fingers. Streamers of apple peels and halves of eggshells replaced the orchids and nuts. “¿Is tha’ better, mang?”
Cupid sighed and pulled Strife into a deep, soul-searing kiss. “You’re such a mischievous stinker,” he said meaningfully. “You know what I *really* mean. But still.”
“¿Still wha’?”
“There is ‘one’ thing that would make me *even* happier!”
“Then jou tell me.”
Cupid sighed happily with contentment. “My family.”
“I invited them...” Strife muttered.
“All my life,” Cupid began, “I’ve been searching. For the other half of my soul. The world is a big, lonely place. And at first I thought I could find happiness in the happiness of mortals. And so I went out into the world with my miniature crossbow and my cute little arrows, and I found mortals, and I made them fall in love. But then I realized that *that* wasn’t enough.”
Cupid paused to cup his lover’s cheek.“And then I met Psyche,” Cupid went on, “and I thought that *she* could make me whole.”
Strife rolled his eyes.
“And so I kidnapped her and hid her in one of Hephaestus’ old cathedrals, and I turned into a big monster and scared the shit out of her, and then mom aged her into a hag, and then I had her youth restored and had her turned into a goddess and married her. And *still,* I wasn’t happy.”
“Tha’s a mouthful.”
“And now,” Cupid said, pausing to press a kiss to the smaller dark godling of War’s forehead, “I’ve found you.”
“¿End o’ story, righ’?” asked Strife, growing impatient to continue with the decorating.
“And so we’re planning our forthcoming nuptials, and we’re decorating the great hall....” Cupid sighed and placed his hand over Strife’s soon-to-be-swelling belly. “And we’re expecting our nineteen children....”
“Nine girls, nine boys an’ a surprise....” Strife added, a twinkle in his azure eye.
“...but, I could still be happier.”
Glowing in near-wedded bliss, Strife sighed and pressed his clasped hands to his breast. “Juss tell me, bay-bee. ¿How?”
“I want all of the poor, incomplete, childless saps in my family to be as happy as I am. I want *everybody* to get married!”
“Oh, bay-bee,” Strife breathed. “Ai che wa wa. Jou really know how to plump my weenie.”
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
“It all started when Zeus got angry at us for what he called ‘interfering’ with his ‘plans,’” Joxer said through his copious tears of joy. “Thirty years ago, there was a beautiful and virtuous virgin named Hunnypuss whom he desired with all his heart and soul.”
“And she wouldn’t have him,” said Beraeus, picking up the tale’s thread. “She hid herself away in one of my ancient obelisks to escape his passions, and I heard her weeping and took pity on her. I shut the tower up tight so that Zeus couldn’t get in.”
“And Zeus got angry,” Joxer continued. “And he raised an army to attack my brother Beraeus’ tower and force Hunnypuss to um...er...”
“To fuck him,” said Beraeus wryly.
Joxer blushed. “I was gonna say it more poetically than that.”
“Would you get to the point?” Autolycus asked, inching more slowly toward the exit, as the story was getting somewhat interesting and he didn’t want to escape before he’d gotten the gist of it. But Beraeus' throbbing love muscle was starting to freak him out, so he did continue to inch. Just more slowly.
“Well, this army was all wrong,” said Joxer. “The fates hadn’t woven their life threads to do battle at that particular time, and so the formation of a troop was wreaking havoc with the nature of all of Greece.”
Beraeus nodded sagely. “Truly, they were an abomination.”
“And so,” said Joxer, “as the god of Peace, I had to step in.”
“Joxer had the army fall into a lethargic slump outside my phallic temple,” said Beraeus. “Once they were horizontal, it was easy enough to get them to pitch their tents.” His eyes glinted wickedly.
Joxer knuckled a tear from his dirt-colored eye. “Though the whole army-orgy commotion distracted everyone so much that Hunnypuss was able to kill herself in order to escape Zeus’ unwanted attentions.”
Everyone in the room sighed poignantly.
“...which brought her into my domain,” Beraeus leered.
Discord rolled her eyes. “Of course. So you fucked her.”
“Just her dead body,” said Beraeus with an oily shrug.
“Anyway,” said Joxer. “Zeus was enraged.”
“He stripped us of our Godhood,” spat Beraeus. “He forced us to be born into these weak mortal coils.”
“Wait,” said Ares. “Where was I? Why don’t I remember any of this?”
“You couldn’t,” explained Joxer patiently. “Zeus wiped our memories from all the Gods of Olympus when he forced us to be reborn.”
“Oh,” said Discord. “I just figured I was really drunk the night I got knocked up.”
“This cannot go unpunished,” growled Beraeus. “I have been forced to wear the guise of a weak mortal for all these years. Deprived of the joy of knowing my son. Forced to endure mortal *death*!”
"Maybe someone could force you to wear some underpants," muttered Autolycus, who was nearly at the door.
“No,” Joxer said, in a strong, clear voice. “The cycle of violence must stop. Here. Now.”
All could feel the wisdom of his words as Joxer’s godhood, Peace, asserted itself throughout the chamber.
“Beraeus, brother, you must promise me that our quarrel with Zeus ends here. Now.”
Beraeus’ face twisted, but his own domains, Necrophilia and Nymphomania, were no match for the domain of Peace in this particular matter. “Fine,” he gasped. “I will not take revenge on Zeus for his curse. Upon my godhood, I swear.”
Joxer broke in to a broad, goofy smile and the tension seemed to drain from the room. Everyone breathed a great sigh of relief.
Turning from the rest, Beraeus rubbed at his knuckles and gave a thin grin. He hadn’t promised to forego *all* vengeance. With one tendril of his power, he reached out toward Ares and bestowed on him a predilection toward dead things. That was Ares’ reward for ordering Beraeus’ dead body to pursue Autolycus against its will.
With another thin brush of power, Beraeus found Hercules and bestowed upon him a continual, aching erection that could never be slaked. That was *his* reward for flinging Beraeus’ mortal coil on the spiked shield. That had *hurt.*
And then Beraeus recalled the one person--a mortal, no less--who had actually been kind to him while he played at his mortal role. He clothed himself in opulent robes decorated with glittering beaded serpents. “I must go find Gabrielle,” he said, and bowing shortly to his brother, Joxer, disappeared.
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
“Aaaaaiiiiiieeeeeaaaahhhh!”
Phobos wrapped his fringed arms around his own chest and hugged himself, an ugly grin spreading across his impish face. “Mortals make the kewlest sounds.”
Deimos’ crowing laugh sounded over the crush of mortals thundering out of the packed amphitheater. “Yeah, baby! Two people are trampled in there.”
“So far, bro’. So far,” said Phobos, rubbing his hands together in gleeful anticipation. He focused his energy on the screams, the escalating heartbeats, the short, sharp breaths of panic all around him, and satisfaction flooded him as his godhood soaked up the mortal panic.
And then he felt a sharp jab in his right asscheek.
“What the...?”
And suddenly, the desire to wreak havoc and to revel in mortal fear and suffering ebbed as Phobos remembered how glorious it was to carry Deimos’ child. Even if it wasn’t really Deimos’ child and just a big dump, still. It was such a fulfilling and maternal feeling. To have his twin, the other half of his soul, nurture him and care for him. To create the miracle of new life with him.
Phobos sighed and began to cry. Tears of joy, because his Deimos was still there, and they could still try again to create that physical symbol of their love that no one could deny: a perfect new life. And tears of loss, for the time that they had wasted indulging selfishly in their godhoods.
“Deimy, baby! I wanna try again!!!”
“Huh? Wha? I can’t hear you over all this screamin’ and tramplin.’””
Phobos clutched at his swelling breast. They’d do it right, this time. They’d plan it. And, in fact, maybe they should get married first. Maybe *that* was the blessing on their union that’d been missing all along.
“Honey, I wanna get married!”
Deimos scowled, absently sending a mortal sprawling over his outstretched foot. The screams crescendoed and then died back down to a semi-roar. “Ain’t we kinda in the middle of something?”
“My twin, my love...the other half of my soul!” Red-faced, Phobos wept poignant tears of joy, while Deimos looked at him funny.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
“C’mon, Strife,” Cupid whispered, holding out his hand.
“I just about got it,” Strife whispered back. He drew the tiny bolt from the bottle of Marriage Juice he and Cupid had concocted and placed it carefully in Cupid’s hand.
Cupid closed one eye, thrust his tongue out the corner of his mouth in concentration, lined up his shot and squeezed the trigger.
*zing!*
Strife traced the path of the crossbow bolt and flinched. “Jeez. Were you aiming for the eye?”
“’S-OK,” said Cupid happily, grinning. “Just watch. Three. Two. One--”
“PHOBIE,” wailed the latest recipient of Wedding Fever. “I can’t wait another second! C’mon, let’s go get permission from Granma Hera an’ get hitched!”
“Oh, Deimie! I’m the happiest Blond Godling in the world!!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Inn rumbled in the distance as Gabrielle clutched the rough woolen blanket around her bare shoulders, shuddering. “Wow,” she said. “That was seriously creepy.”
“Maybe next time you won’t question me when I say it’s time to move,” quipped the Warrior Princess with a tiny smile. She smoothed the blanket over Gabrielle’s back, feeling the tension the Bard held there, and jabbed a pressure point that made a loud cracking noise reverberate the length of the smaller woman’s spine. Gabrielle sighed and relaxed into Xena. “Okay,” Xena said. “What is it?”
“The man I was trying to tell you about, back at the inn. I don’t know where to find him.” Gabby sighed. “I don’t even know if he *can* be found.”
Xena pressed a kiss into Gaby’s blonde hair. “If he can be found, we will find him. I have many skills.”
“So what’s the plan? Are you gonna track him? Or use a divining rod? Or cast some runes?” Gabrielle’s voice grew excited as she warmed to the subject. “Maybe you’ll find some kind of ancient trance state you can access? Or a way to talk to some animals, or maybe spirits??”
Xena shielded her eyes from the glare up the dawning sun, and looked one way, then the other. She spied a tall, lightly muscled figure dressed in cloth-of-gold with purple tassels emerging from the trees. “Is that him?”
“Uh, yeah.”
The Warrior and the Bard stood together while the third figure joined them. Xena sized up her competition. Tall, like her. Dark-haired. Ice blue eyes. And a definite Olympian aura, the type of thing only Xena could sense. “So,” she said. “You’re a god.”
“A god?” Gabby gasped.
“My godhood was recently restored,” he said smoothly. “And you. I can see you’re one of Ares’ get, though I'll try not to hold it against you.”
Xena nodded once.
“And I can also see that you care deeply for Gabrielle.”
“That I do.”
They stared at one another coolly with blue eyes.
“As do I,” Beraeus added carefully.
On impulse, Gabrielle pulled out of Xena’s grasp, but retained her lesbian lover’s hand. She snatched up Beraeus’ hand with her other, noting that he was still somewhat clammy, even though he was a god. “And I care for both of you,” she said quickly. “In fact, I love both of you.”
“And I love you,” Xena and Beraeus said simultaneously. Then they both tore their gazes from Gabrielle and looked at each other.
“How could I fault my new lover for wishing to keep the affections of one as beautiful and obviously talented as you?” said Beraeus in his low, melodic voice.
Xena acknowledged him with a tilt of her head. “Indeed. Our lover seems to have good taste.”
“Okay, it’s settled,” said Gabrielle happily. “I can keep you *both* as my lovers. Then I can be both an ascetic wandering lesbian *and* a god’s kept whore. I think you’ll like each other a lot.” She looked at one, then the other. “Just don’t get any ideas about running off on me with each other.”
“Never,” said Xena. “You’re the other half of my soul. I’m incomplete without you.”
Beraeus simply smiled his reptilian smile and caressed her cheek with the backs of his long, cool fingers.
+=+=+=+=+=+=
Candace
Apprentice Olympian Interior Designer
Spinner of Ridiculous Godly Explanations
Supporter of Beraeus' Legendary Man Meat
Title: Pair of Fools 24/31
Authors: Candace & Erin, yentas extrodinare
Part 24 author: Erin
Fandom: Herc-Xena
Pairing: Who isn't screwing each other at this point? But if it makes ya happy, Ares/Joxer!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!one!!!!!!
Summary: Cupid and Strife have more fun with archery, Auto and Discord come to an understanding and Joxer, the studly and magnificent God of Peace, tenderly makes sweet, adorable love to his cuddly Fluffbunny of War.
Archive: Candace's Fugue, Erin's House-O-Fanfic, our LJs, RCoS
Feedback: Don't you love me anymore?
Rating: NC-17 for much making of the m/m
Warnings: sex and naughtly language, barf bags at the ready
Disclaimers: Ka plah! (Klingon is a cool language.)
()^^()^^()^^
pairofFoolz
Part 24
^^()^^()^^()
"Cupie, baby," Strife grinned, "dis's a sit'ation made 'n Elysium." He held out another anointed arrow to his beautifully buff cousin.
:::Takes arrow:::
"So totally, Strifey-cakes," Cupie sighed happily. He had three arrows, and being a god, he had no trouble taking aim with all three and sending them flying. And of course they hit their mark perfectly.
:::Thunk:::
"O, dat's just ***sooooo*** sweeet," the Mischief God cooed sighingly.
In front of the inn where they weren't in any position to see the other gods, the Warrior Princess, the Amazon Bard, and the recently resurrected God of Nymphomania and Necrophilia, froze for a moment as the sudden urge to clasp hands in the bonds of eternal marriage overwhelmed them.
:::Blinking in startlement:::
"What was that?" the dark haired warrior woman whispered suspiciously.
:::Hand goes to chakram:::
:::Eyes narrow suspiciously:::
:::Rubs at recent pain in backside:::
:::Gazing with absolute and utter devotion:::
"I don't know," Gabby gushed, "but I don't just want to be a wandering lesbian and a god's whore, I want to marry you **BOTH**!!!!!"
:::Hugs both lovers hard:::
"It is odd," the former king-turned-god frowned, "but I too have the sudden urge to do more than keep you both on your back, legs spread while I fuck you for hours on end. We should be married as soon as possible.
:::Hugs her back:::
"Marriage is one of my many skills," Xena nodded.
:::Hugs them all:::
"*#Score#*!!!!" Strife enthused, bouncingly.
:::Grins at winged studmuffin of Love:::
"Totally cool," Cupid agreed, grinningly.
:::Bats eyes at dark haired lovebiscutt of Mischief:::
"Let's take care of Uncle Herk," the winged god suggested.
:::Gropes at readily available pieces of Strife:::
"'N den, we c'n do Unk Ares," the leather clad godling assented.
:::Nods:::
"But first!!!" the blond, buff god exclaimed.
:::Grabs sweetiepie of Mischief and transports them elsewhere:::
~@~@~@~@~@~
"Well, that was...enlightening," Autolycus said, then made a dash for the door. Now that Beraeus was gone and Joxer and Ares were once again licking each other's tonsils, the thief wanted out of there. Too much weird stuff was way too much for him. He just wanted to get as far away from this as possible -- with the jewels.
He came to a skidding halt, did an about-face and went back for the jewels. They'd done their re-goding thing, so no one would mind if he took them, would they?
That was when he ran into Discord for the second time.
"Hey!!" the dark haired goddess growled and glared as she picked herself up off the floor. "It's a good thing for you you're cute, or I'd fry you!"
"Can't fry me when I'm already sizzlin' baby," the thief leered as he looked her over, getting to his feet. "So, you think I'm cute, huh?"
"A little," the leather clad goddess grudgingly admitted.
"Tell you what, princess, I'm gonna pick up those jewels, then how 'bout I pick *you* up? What d'you say, doll? You 'n me, shacking up somewhere for a week or two?" the thief winked.
At that moment, they both jumped and yelped as sharp pains struck them, Auto in the ass and Discord in the chest. Looking at each other, suddenly everything became so clear.
"I'll shack up anywhere with you, stud," the pale goddess purred.
"Forget about that, sweetcakes, you're too classy for it. I wanna make an honest goddess out of you. Let's get hitched!" the green clad thief grabbed her and pulled her close.
"Ooohhh, baby! You're so *manly*!!!" Discord cooed.
"Hail to the King, baby." He swooped in and kissed her.
&^&^&^&^&^&^&
"We should get outta here," Ares murmured to his true love, batting his eyelashes coyly.
"Yeah," Joxer agreed, groaningly.
Suddenly they both blinked in surprise as a sharp pain struck them. Since they were pressed so closely together, it seemed to hit as one, striking them both in the chest.
"You know," the WannaBe-Warrior turned god looked at the dark haired War God thoughtfully, "I was thinking of just taking you home and having lots of sex, but now...now I have to marry you, 'Res."
"Oh, that's so **perfect**!!!!" the God of War gasped out in adorement. "It wouldn't be right to have babies without getting married anyway."
Joxer grinned. "Are you saying you wanna have my kids, sweetie?"
"You better believe it, honeybuns," 'Res purred, then kissed him again.
The ex-bumbling warrior transported them to the bedroom in Ares' Olympian temple. The room would've been a surprise to anyone who didn't know what the God of War was *really* like. Instead of the all black motif most would expect, the walls were a pale cream, the bed wide and covered in soft, pastel sheets, and at the head of the bed, a stuffed teddy bear sat.
"That's so sweet," Jox whispered approvingly.
"It's the only pet I could ever have," the War God sighed longingly. "I tried getting a bunny when I was younger, but Zeus killed it. He said pets would make me weak!!!" Tears dripped down his cheeks. "I just wanted something to cuddle, something that would love me too. So I have Mr. Cuddles here."
"Well, from now on, you'll have all the pets you want," the ex-klutzy warrior said soothingly, brushing away his true love's tears.
"You're so *good* to me," the dark haired other god sighed rapturously.
"I'm gonna be even better," Joxer promised, making his armor disappear with a thought.
"Uh.maybe there's something I should tell you, honey," 'Res said uncertainly. "Not that I don't want you, because I do, you big hunk of man, it's just that, I.well.I've never done this before, and I'm a little scared."
The dark haired ex-dorky warrior just about melted at that admission. "Don't worry, baby, I'll make it *wonderful* for you!!!" Jox assured him. He couldn't believe his luck!!!! He wasn't just another in a long line of lovers for the God of War, he was the **FIRST**!!!!!!!!!
The War God couldn't help but tremble a little in fear as their clothing disappeared, but the feel of his love's skin against his made him want more.
Laying down on the bed, Ares felt like a sacrifice spread out on his own alter, but he was in Joxer's hands so he knew all would be well.
"You're so beautiful," Joxer sighed, stretching out beside him, admiring the manly muscular muscles of 'Res' chest.
"And you're so.big," Ares squeaked, his eyebrows going up when he caught sight of the two foot schlong of steel.
"Oh, don't let that intimidate you, luv," the ex-mortal turned god whispered as he slid closer. "I promise I'll be gentle."
"OK, lover," the War God sighed trustingly. "It just.doesn't look like it's gonna fit."
"Trust me, sweetheart, we'll fit like a glove." Jox leaned down to kiss him tenderly.
Ares groaned as his lover's tongue stroked its way into his mouth. The Peace God's hands were on him, one rubbing at his suddenly taut nipples, another running through his hair, another stroking his muscular chest, and the War God shivered and pushed up against him, fear giving way to burning desire.
"I feel so empty without you in me," he whispered, then blushed at the implication.
"We're gonna take care of that, precious," the ex-god, ex-moral, now god-again man said soothingly, reaching down to stroke the God of War's hardness.
'Res stiffened a bit as first one finger, then two, then three slid into him, spreading oil, scissoring him open, but Joxer's arms were tight around him, holding him firm and not letting him get too nervous.
"Just breathe, sweetie," the ex-gangly warrior instructed, sliding between the other god's spread legs. "It'll only hurt a little."
It was only a little, but Ares couldn't help the tears that welled up in his chocolate orbs anyway, not just from the pain but because the feel of his love sliding into him was like their souls becoming one. He'd never felt so complete in his long, harsh life.
"What's wrong, honey?" Jox asked worridly, seeing the tears his true love was shedding. "Am I hurting you too much?"
"**NO**!" the War God gasped, afraid that the studly, ex-mortal would stop. "It's just.just.I've never felt so **LOVED**!!!!!!!!!!!! You're inside me and I can ***feel*** how much you love me!!! It's like our souls are touching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I *know*!!!" the dark haired god gasped, pushing deep. "I've never felt this way with anyone else. My love for Gabrielle was a pale shadow of what I feel for *you*, baby!!"
Ares held onto his lover tight, arms around his neck and waist and legs hooked over his legs and waist and they moved together, Joxer thrusting deep while the War God whimpered and moaned and trembled beneath him.
When they finally came, it was together, a mutual orgasm that fused their souls together in a beautiful blaze of bursting light.
"Don't *leave* me!!!" the brown eyed War God whispered wonderingly, stopping Jox from pulling away from him. "I'll feel so lost without you in me!!!!"
"Whatever you want, precious," the ex-mortal promised the other god, leaning down to kiss him again. "I'll stay with you forever, even in you forever. But don't you think that maybe we should separate -- just once," he clarified when he saw the panic on 'Res' handsome face, "just for the wedding?"
"Oh, right, good idea," the War God agreed. "Mom will just *adore* you and she'll be thrilled to marry us, but not if we show up like this."
So Joxer gently rolled off of him, patting his shoulder comfortingly when Ares wept tears of loss. He cleaned them up with a thought and dressed them with another.
"I hope I have your babies soon," the dark haired War God sniffed, wiping away his tears. "I'll feel complete all the time then, because no one is ever truly complete until they've carried their lover's child."
"You're not worried about looking silly, pregnant with my kids?" Jox asked worridly.
"*Silly*?!?!?!" Ares couldn't conceive of the thought. "How could the God of War ever look *silly* pregnant? All my warlords and generals will find it sweet and adorable when I'm waddling around with a huge stomach, swollen feet and mood swings. They'll think it's even *cuter* when I breast feed our octtuplets in the middle of a war council."
"Oh, that's *adorable*!!!" the newly rediscovered god cooed. "I'll keep you happily knocked up for *centuries* to come!!!!!"
"***Thank*** **you**!!!!!!!!!!!" 'Res sobbed happily. "And.do you think.maybe we could.roleplay, sometime?"
"Sure, honeybuns. What would you like to play? Innocent mortal and conquering god? Lusty sultan and harem boy?"
Ares blushed slightly. "You might think it's strange but."
"*Nothing* you want is too strange for me, baby."
"Well, then, how about after we're married, we pretend you're a fallen soldier and I'm your lover who just found your body on the battlefield and wants one more time with you."
"You.want me to play dead?"
"Um.yea. Just a little. It's this odd urge I keep having."
%$%$%
Erin
Admirer of Joxer's two foot schlong
Waxer of Cupid's chest
OB/GYN to the gods
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