bright flash of light distracted Ares from the map he'd been going over. Looking up he saw that once again his nephew was testing him, seeing just how far he could push before Ares put him back in his place.

"I'm bored, Unc," he said. Sitting on Ares' throne, he looked completely at home with his long legs draped over one of the armrests as he leaned back against the other one.

Ares hated anyone else sitting there, especially minor gods, but then that was undoubtedly why the God of Mischief did this. He always had enjoyed provoking his uncle. However, Ares was very familiar with this game and didn't take the bait. He'd wait and see just how far the little weasel went before deciding on a suitable punishment.

"I need something to do. Something...bad," his nephew continued as he pulled out a dagger and began trimming his nails with it.

"So why bother me about it? You find enough trouble on your own. You don't need my help," Ares answered in a dismissive tone, turning his attention back to the map on the table before him.

"'Cause I know you got something going down in Corinth. You didn't send Discord there for nothing."

Ares didn't react to that but he was tempted to put an end to the annoyance with a rather large fireball. He never could figure out how his nephew did it; somehow that sneaky worm always knew when Ares was planning something.

"Discord can handle it. I don't need you," he replied, letting a warning note creep into his tone.

"Oh? What about Hercules and Xena? Sure you don't need someone to keep them busy while you're doing your thing?"

"No." The word was just short of being a growl.

"Well, maybe whatever you got Discord doing, I could do better."

"I already told you I don't need you!" Ares snapped as he turned to look at his nephew. "What exactly aren't you understanding here?"

The God of Mischief shrugged slightly as he put away the dagger. Swinging his legs off of the armrest he stood up and walked over to the table, frowning when he saw the map. "That's Athens."

"Brilliant observation," Ares said sarcastically.

His nephew just nodded as he studied the map. Finally he smiled. "Decent idea, Unc. Have the Athenian army attack Corinth. That'll be nasty. Let me in on it." He looked up at his uncle, showing no fear at the displeasure plainly visible on his face.

Ares wasn't certain which made him more nervous, not knowing where the little bastard got his information or seeing him stand there and work things out for himself, lightening-quick, always coming to the right conclusion. There was a fine line between intelligence and insanity and Ares was never quite sure just which side his nephew walked on. Regardless of that the God of War didn't stand for subordinates giving him orders.

"Listen you annoying insect, I said no! Now if I need you I'll call you. Until then get out of here before I decide to forget about Zeus' 'no killing gods' rule!"

His nephew sighed in disappointment, but instead of leaving he suddenly pulled himself up onto the table. Laying on his side across the map he propped his head up on one elbow, continuing to look at Ares.

"I don't get you, Uncle," he said quietly. "You know I can do major damage -- I'm good at my job. But you won't use me."

"I need subtlety," Ares explained in a tone one would use with a slower-than-average child. "You don't do subtlety."

His nephew smirked. "Okay, maybe you got a point there." He reached out with his free hand to run his fingers over the metal studs on Ares' leather vest. "So, um, if you're not gonna use me for war then maybe you could use me for...something else?"

Ares wasn't all that surprised, the God of Mischief could switch subjects and moods like that in the space of a heartbeat. His nephew was at times unpredictable, but he was always manipulative, scheming and sadistic, plus there was a good possibility he was psychotic. When it came right down to it Ares had to admit that he kind of liked him. The fact that his nephew was an incredible fuck didn't hurt matters either.

His thoughts abruptly scattered when his nephew's fingers moved lower.

"Thinking it over, Unc?" His smirk widened as Ares' cock harden beneath his hand.

"No." Ares knocked his hand away and grabbed him by his upper arm. "Already decided."

He wasn't in the mood for drawn-out foreplay -- or any at all for that matter. He shoved his nephew down onto his stomach, making their clothing disappear at the same time. Grasping the other god's hips Ares pulled him back to the edge of the table, positioning him before thrusting in deep, not bothering with any preparation. His nephew yelped in pain but braced his hands on the table and pushed back against the him, encouraging him. With a low growl Ares began pounding into him, taking him hard and fast, interested more in his own pleasure than that of the god beneath him. Of course his nephew could find pleasure in almost anything.

"Come on, Unc, I'm not gonna break," he teased breathlessly a few moments later.

Ares gasped as muscles tightened around his throbbing cock. Well if that was the way he wanted it.... He slammed into him again and again, not holding back.

"Gods! Yes!" his nephew cried out, digging his nails into the table in an effort to keep from slipping as his wiry body was rocked by Ares' thrusts. And then he was coming, screaming Ares' name.

The feel of the already tight muscles tightening even further around him sent Ares straight over the edge. He pushed in as deep as he could, coming with a harsh cry. It took a couple minutes but when reality finally sorted itself out Ares found himself collapsed on top of his nephew.

"Comfy?" The thinly-veiled humor in his voice made Ares roll his eyes in annoyance as he stood up, pulling out of the tight ass.

"You just can't keep your mouth shut, can you?" he said as he cleaned up and clothed himself with a thought.

"'Course not, Unc." The other god giggled as he straightened up, his clothes reappearing. "It's all part of my charm, you know?" He smirked as he faced his uncle. "So are you gonna let me play?" he asked, motioning to the map which was looking more than a little messed up now.

"Did you really think that fucking me would help you get your way?" Ares asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No, but it was worth a try. Besides, we both know I'll do what I want anyway," he replied with a shrug.

That was true enough. Arguing with the God of Mischief was an exercise in futility and trying to physically restrain him usually just ended up in some seriously kinky sex. Still, sometimes threats worked, especially since Ares always carried them out.

"If you mess with my plans I swear I'll introduce you to the kind of pain you couldn't imagine in your worst nightmares!" Ares snarled.

His nephew's eyes widened slightly. "Oh, Uncle Ares," he breathed, "you promise?"

Ares gave up. He didn't know if that was serious or not and it really wasn't worth the trouble it would take to find out. At least not at the moment.

"Just get out of here," he ordered.

"Sure thing, Unc. See you in Corinth." With a small, sarcastic wave, Joxer vanished in a flash of blue light.
 

alancing the small dagger in one hand, the God of Mischief eyed the target across the temple courtyard. He didn't need the practice, he'd learned from Ares and there was no better teacher, he just needed to work off some frustration. The thought of his uncle made him shudder involuntarily as recent memories -- rather unpleasant ones -- surfaced.

Corinth had been a disaster. Predictably. It really could've been beautiful. The Athenian army crushing the city; slaughtering, raping, burning and basically destroying everything in sight; it should've been a total party! But that would have required Discord doing her part of things right.

Ares sent her to make sure Hercules wouldn't disrupt things this time. Joxer didn't understand why his uncle had been surprised when she screwed it up. Hercules simply kicked her ass into next week and then stopped the Athenians before the army could reach Corinth. It was just another case of same-old, same-old.

Unfortunately Ares had decided that his nephew was partially to blame for Hercules' interference because the God of Mischief did nothing to help Discord. Joxer pointed out that he'd simply been following his uncle's orders, he hadn't messed with anything; he just watched. That excuse sure hadn't gone over well.

Joxer loved provoking his uncle, it was fun. But he wasn't stupid enough to make Ares truly angry. If the God of War wanted to blame him -- partially at least -- for the failure at Corinth then he'd accept it. It wasn't important enough to challenge Ares over. So he hadn't protested his punishment, he just took it like a man. Relatively speaking.

Ares liked to use pain to punish those who crossed him but with his nephew he often used...other methods, and they were effective more often than not despite their lack of pain, or perhaps because of it. This last time after Corinth was particularly bad.

Joxer suppressed another shudder. The sight of stirrups still made him nervous and if he never heard the word "fetch" again.... He pushed the memories aside and concentrated on the present. Controlled violence always helped him to focus and he needed that now. He needed the calm this type of sport always brought him -- he'd call it peace except he did his best not to include that word in his vocabulary. A couple hours of this and he'd be able to think a bit more clearly. Maybe then he could figure out what he needed to do.

Eyes narrowing slightly he turned his attention completely to the target. Grasping the dagger by the end of the blade he took aim. He'd done this countless times. It was routine and relatively easy -- or at least it should have been.

"Would you stand the fuck still!" he snarled as he once again adjusted for the movement.

The soldier at the other end of the courtyard immediately stopped fidgeting, although his continued trembling made the pomegranate balanced on his head shake slightly.

"Better," Joxer said, aiming again while ignoring the terrified look on the soldier's face.

Satisfied with his judgment of the distance he let the dagger fly and -- and the sky around him was split with lightning as the dagger left his hand.

"Ahh! My eye!"

It was a safe bet that the distraction had spoiled his aim but his attention was far from that. Joxer just stood there in awe, watching as the vortex opened in the center of the courtyard. He'd heard about this from some of the other gods but he'd never seen it. It was incredible. The sky went dark, leaving everything around him lit with the eerie blue light from the vortex. The wind rapidly increased as the vortex widened, making it difficult to maintain his balance, but he couldn't move away, transfixed by the sight before him. The air crackled with the energy put out by the swirling vortex. It almost felt alive.

Suddenly bright light flashed at the opening of the vortex. There came what sounded like a scream and something tumbled out, ending up sprawled on the ground. Human or animal Joxer wasn't sure, probably human, but before he could be certain he was distracted again by the vortex which was doing...something. It was closing, he realized, and that was just as impressive as watching it form.

It happened quickly; it just seemed to collapse in on itself until it completely disappeared in another flash of light, bright enough to make Joxer wince. The wind died down as fast as it had risen and the sky cleared within seconds. Everything was all the same as it had been before the vortex appeared -- all except the motionless form on the ground in the center of the temple courtyard.

Slightly shaken from the experience but certain that any possible danger had passed, Joxer walked over to what he was pretty sure was a mortal man, although it was hard to tell under all of that metal stuff he wore. Was that supposed to be...armor?

The mortal was waking. He slowly pushed himself up with a low groan of pain. Sitting there, he shook his head as though clearing it, then looked around a bit groggily.

Joxer came to a dead stop a few paces from the mortal, his jaw dropping in shock. The man before him looked up at him and his eyes widened. The two mirror images simply stared at each other in stunned silence for a few moments.

"J-Jett?" the mortal finally spoke.

"Joxer," the God of Mischief said, remembering to shut his mouth.

"Uh-huh?"

"I'm Joxer," he clarified.

"But...that's my name," the mortal said in confusion.

Joxer was for the first time in his long life at a complete loss for words. This was him. He was looking down at himself, as a mortal. In another world in another situation, he was mortal. One thing he'd always been absolutely certain of was just who and what he was. This didn't fit with that concept and he had a hard time comprehending it. There was no telling how long he might've stood there staring if a hand on his leg hadn't drawn his attention.

Looking down he found the soldier on the ground at his feet, blood flowing freely from his left eye socket where the short dagger had lodged. The sight gave Joxer something familiar to grab onto, it grounded him back in a reality he knew.

Crossing his arms he gave the soldier a look of utter contempt. "These are my favorite boots," he said with a cold calm. "Why are you bleeding on them?"

"P-Please, my--my eye..!" the soldier begged.

"Yeah. So? You got another one, don't you? Something wrong with it?"

The man just whimpered.

"Go bother someone else about it, I'm busy here. Oh, and gimme back my dagger." Reaching down he grabbed hold of the hilt with one hand and shoved the mortal back with the other. The soldier screamed and fell back, hands covering the eye socket.

"Get over it," Joxer said in disgust. A strangled gasp drew his attention away from the soldier. He looked down at his twin and saw the horror etched on the man's face.

"What?" Joxer frowned. "It's no big deal. I'm mean, come on, it's just a mor--oh." Comprehension came to him suddenly. Yes, this was his double sitting before him, but this Joxer was a mortal.

Making a quick decision, the God of Mischief tossed the dagger aside and grabbed the soldier who was doing his best to crawl away. Lifting the mortal up by the back of his tunic Joxer took a moment to focus his power, then he released it with the customary flash of light. This wasn't something he usually did, in fact he couldn't remember the last time he'd done it, but when the light faded it looked like it had worked fine. The soldier's eye appeared as good as new.

"Well?" he demanded impatiently.

"I-I can see!" the dazed mortal in his grasp whispered in amazement.

"Duh, that's the point." Joxer let the soldier drop to the ground. "Now kiss off, I wanna talk to myself for a while." The soldier already forgotten, he turned his attention back to his new twin -- and found him sprawled back on the ground, passed out.

"Not cool," he muttered to himself as he studied the unconscious man. He'd jumped to some conclusions he realized now. He'd assumed from the moment he'd seen this man that they were the same, not just in face but in every way except for the obvious god/mortal thing, but maybe he'd made a mistake. Maybe the only thing they shared was their resemblance. If that was the case then Joxer was fairly certain he'd want nothing to do with this mortal. The God of Mischief had a very high opinion of himself and he didn't need another version of himself doing anything to diminish that.

Of course getting rid of the mortal was going to be a problem. Offing him wasn't really an option, not when there was a good chance it would cause his own death, but he couldn't open the vortex by himself and he was very reluctant to involve another god in this. No, this was his dilemma and he'd figure out a solution somehow, but before he went looking for ways to ditch his twin he needed some answers.

Only Zeus and maybe Hera could open that Vortex unaided, so who opened it in this mortal's world and why was he sent through it? It certainly didn't look like he'd gone willingly so he must have ticked someone off in a big way. There was definitely a story there and Joxer wanted it.

"Okay, time to get up," he said loudly as he knelt down beside his double. There was no response so he grabbed the mortal by the shoulder and shook him until the man groaned and pulled out of his grasp.

"Hey, Gabby...had the strangest dream...," the mortal muttered as he struggled towards consciousness.

Gabby? Joxer only knew one person answering to that nickname. Well that answered a few questions but he wasn't certain he liked the answers.

He smirked at the look on the mortal's face when he finally opened his eyes and saw the god at his side. "Welcome back to reality," Joxer said, his tone overly-bright.

Swallowing hard, the mortal continued to stare up at him for long moments before speaking, his voice little more than a whisper, "Y--You're not Jett, are you?"

"What's up with this 'Jett' thing?" Joxer frowned.

"He's my twin brother," his double replied, the look on his face conveying his confusion about his situation, and probably his sanity. "He's crazy, a--and an assassin."

"I like him already," Joxer grinned briefly before becoming serious. "Now what about you? How d'you end up here?"

The mortal looked away, his expression quickly turning to one of pain. "Ares," he whispered. "He...didn't want me."

"Then he's an idiot." Joxer made the comment just to see what kind of reaction it would bring.

"No!" His twin sat up, glaring at him. "You don't understand, I've worshipped him my entire life! He's everything I always wanted to be -- well, before I met Xena anyway, but that's kinda complicated and I still want to be like him a little. He--He's just so...great."

"What's he god of in your world?"

"War. Why? What's he here?"

"Same thing," Joxer replied thoughtfully as a suspicion began to creep over him. "In your world who's god of love?"

"Cupid, but Aphrodite's goddess of love too and beauty and she's got this really incredible pair of--"

"Yeah, okay, but is Hercules still a total pain in the ass in your world?"

"No, Hercules is a hero," his twin replied, frowning.

"Same difference. Think I'm starting to see a pattern here." It would take a some more questioning but Joxer was developing a picture of this other world and it was a bit disturbing. It was starting to look like their worlds were similar, if not identical, but then why was his double a mortal? He really needed some more answers. He hadn't realized that the mortal had started talking again until something he said caught his attention.

"What?" he asked.

"I said I love him," his twin replied softly.

"You love Hercules!" Joxer said in disbelief and disgust. If that was the case then screw the danger to himself, he was whacking the mortal.

"No! Not Hercules, Ares. I love Ares."

"Oh, well that's okay then." Actually it raised his opinion of the man considerably.

"Do you know him?" his twin asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Ares? Of course," Joxer grinned licentiously.

"Do you love him?"

"Like, duh. He's the coolest. He's always doing the bloodshed and death gig, plus he's a total stud with that leather and bad attitude. Ooh, babe, what's not to love?" Even the memories of what happened after Corinth could do nothing to dim the arousal he felt just picturing his uncle all worked up after a good battle.

The mortal was looking confused again. "Um, what are you here? I mean, what d'you do?"

"I'm the God of Mischief, and I'm good at it," Joxer replied seriously.

"G--God? I'm--you're a god?"

The words came out as a squeak and made Joxer chuckle. "Don't believe me? Here." He pointed at a nearby dead tree and with a thought released a small fireball, turning the tree into an instant bonfire. "Fun, huh?"

When he received no reply he looked back at his double and found him once again passed out.

"Great," he muttered, standing up and brushing dirt off his pants.

Well, he couldn't just leave the mortal there, if another god found him it could cause...complications. Besides, if his suspicions were correct and this Joxer's world was basically the same as his own then despite the mortal's penchant for fainting there was actually a good chance that they had a lot in common. Maybe his first assumption hadn't been so far off after all.

But before he could explore that theory any further they needed to go somewhere else. The vortex had undoubtedly attracted the attention of the other gods and they could show up at any moment -- really, he was a bit surprised they hadn't already. His good luck wouldn't hold out forever though and he didn't want to share this little discovery at the moment so they needed to leave.

After a quick mental inventory of all the places he usually went when he wanted to be alone, he decided on the room he kept in an old temple. He'd been meaning at some point to have the entire place restored and used as a new center of worship for his followers but for now it worked well as a private hideaway.

his time Joxer didn't wake up his double right away. After dropping the mortal onto the bed he took some time to make sure the place was still safe. The temple was starting to decay a bit from neglect and occasionally he had to use his power to restore parts of it that threatened to crack or crumble, but this time things were all right. When he returned to the room the mortal was still out cold. Sitting at the end of the bed Joxer spent a few minutes studying him.

It seemed so strange,  like an out-of-body experience or something, watching himself this way. Of course he wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit. His fashion sense consisted of four words: black, leather, sharp and implements. It was just something that ran in his side of the family. It certainly looked good on him -- which meant that it would look good on this Joxer. Although admittedly anything would look better than that pile of metal he wore.

A slight motion of his hand and his double's make-shift armor was gone, leaving him in the worn pants and shirt he wore underneath. It was an improvement but not by much. Still, it was enough for the moment. Without that ridiculous outfit distracting him he could continue his appraisal of his twin.

After a few more minutes he'd drawn all the conclusions he could from just looking and it really wasn't anything more than he'd already known or surmised. Now he needed some more direct answers. Besides, the man appeared to be waking -- finally.

"Come on." Joxer slapped the bottom of the mortal's now-bare foot. "Take it from me, you don't need the beauty sleep so get up."

"Huh?" his twin mumbled as he opened his eyes. "Where am I? Hey! Where's my armor?" Realizing that his armor was missing seemed to bring him completely awake.

"It was total crap. I did you a favor," Joxer said with a shrug.

"I liked it! It took me a long time to put it together!" his twin protested as he sat up.

"Whatever. Look, are you gonna faint again or something, 'cause if not I got a bunch of questions I want answered."

"I don't usually faint, you know. I'm a warrior and it takes a lot to make me faint and well...this is a lot," the mortal finished with a sigh.

"A warrior?" Joxer raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Joxer the Mighty. I've got my own theme song. Wanna hear it?" Without waiting for a response he began singing.

By the second verse the God of Mischief had his head in his hands, groaning in disbelief. This couldn't be happening.

"So, what d'you think?"  the mortal asked cheerfully.

"I think I'm in trouble," Joxer said under his breath, looking back up at his twin -- his obviously delusional twin. What was he going to do with this man? Well, before he could figure that out he wanted his questions answered.

"Tell me about your world," he commanded. "I wanna know everything."

"Everything?" his double looked confused again.

"Yeah. Whatever you can think of, just tell me."

"But that'll take hours," the mortal protested.

"You got somewhere you gotta be?"

"Oh, good point. Okay. Well, um, I guess I could start with Xena and Gabby since we're real close...."

It did take hours. This Joxer loved to talk but the God of Mischief had to constantly keep his double from wandering off whatever was the current subject. The mortal had so much information and he seemed to have a difficult time forming it into a coherent narrative. He also had a tendency to want to exaggerate things, especially when they concerned him. Fortunately he realized early on that it wasn't possible to lie to a god. Joxer called him on it every time.

Being a god Joxer didn't feel hunger or fatigue or anything like that, but the mortal did and he finally managed to convince Joxer  that he needed a break.

"I can't keep talking without something to drink, and I'm hungry, and I need to take care of a couple other things too," the mortal complained.

Okay, not a problem. With a thought Joxer had a plate of fruit and cheese laid out on the table by the back wall along with a pitcher of ale. As an afterthought because now that he thought about it, mortals did have to deal with that kind of thing and Joxer may well have been referring to that, he placed a chamberpot under the bed. "Go for it," he said. "I gotta go out for a while so take your time. Oh, and I dunno how much you pray to the gods but while you're here, don't. Get it?"

"Uh, no?" The mortal looked at him in adorable confusion.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Joxer settled his hands on his hips. "It's like this: you start praying to the gods and my family's gonna start wondering why I'm praying to them, because you're me. Then they might just come sniffing around here trying to see what I've got going on. Now do you get it?"

"Oh! Sure, no problem. I won't even think about them," the mortal promised solemnly.

"Cool," Joxer grinned. "I'll be back soon enough, okay? I'm just gonna go check on what's up with some of the other gods. Gotta keep an eye on them, you know." He winked at his twin before transporting himself to Olympus.

-------

As far as Joxer was concerned with the exception of two or three of them, the other gods were just nuisances he had to put up with because he couldn't kill them. Most of the gods felt the same way about each other which made for a volatile situation. Of course just because one god couldn't kill another didn't mean that there weren't ways for them to harm each other. There were always ways. And Joxer knew them all.

He was good at his job, and that wasn't bragging. Whether amongst mortals or other gods, he could cause an incredible amount of trouble, but sometimes that wasn't necessary. Sometimes just the threat of that trouble was enough to get him whatever he wanted. Hey, blackmail was an art form.

This trip to Olympus didn't turn up anything interesting which he was grateful for. He had plenty to hold his attention back at the temple and anything else would be a bother at the moment.

Discord was still off hiding somewhere licking her wounds, so to speak. She'd definitely gotten the worst of the punishment -- the thought brought a smile to Joxer's face. He didn't run into Ares either which he had mixed feelings about. He really didn't want to match wits with his uncle again so soon, but if Ares wasn't on Olympus then he was most likely out stirring up a war somewhere and the God of Mischief always wanted in on that. He decided to check it out later.

Many of the other gods were down in their temples or messing with mortals or other things that didn't really concern him. Granted, he needed to devote some time to spying on a few of them to see if they had any new secrets worth knowing, but for now it could wait. He wanted to get back to his new twin.

Flashing back into his temple he took a moment to drop a protective field around the place. It was basically just a fancy tripwire. Most of the gods used something like it. If anyone, god or mortal, came near the temple he'd know it minutes before they got there and that was all the time he needed. If he wanted to he could prevent anyone from entering the temple but that was like putting up a sign announcing that he had something to hide. It defeated the entire purpose.

He was eager to hear more about his counterpart's world. From what he'd heard so far it was safe to say that while the people in each world were almost exactly the same, situations and events differed. Like that whole Dahak thing the other Joxer had mentioned; here in this world they'd never heard of him. There were other things that hadn't happened, like Callisto becoming a god or Gabrielle getting married. It made for an interesting story though and the God of Mischief wanted to know the rest of it.

However, upon returning to the room where he'd left his double he found the other Joxer once again completely out of it, sprawled on the bed, snoring softly. It looked as though the mortal had gone through half of the food, all of the ale, and had decided to take a nap. It was beginning to appear as though unconsciousness was the man's natural state.

Clearing away the remains of the meal and emptying the chamberpot with a wave of his hand, Joxer dropped onto the bed beside him, making no effort to gentle his landing. The man next to him groaned in sleepy protest as the bed was shaken by the movement.

"What's with you and this fainting and sleeping bit, huh? I mean, I know you mortals do that stuff but this is kind of ridiculous."

"Oh...hi," his twin mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. "Where were you?"

"Oh, so now I suddenly gotta report to you," Joxer snorted. "Well, at least this time you're not calling me 'Gabby.'"

"I didn't mean it like that," the mortal said through a yawn. "I was just curious."

"You don't need to know. It's a god thing. Now if you're finished with 'nap time' I wanna hear more about this Dahak dude. Sounds like real bad news and I just don't get why Unc would have sided--" The mortal's hand on his arm cut him off.

"What's this made of?" his double asked, fingering the material of the black shirt Joxer wore under his leather vest.

"Silk," Joxer replied, watching his twin closely, wondering what he was up to.

"Oh. Feels nice. And these are great," the mortal smiled, running his fingers briefly over one of Joxer's wristguards.

"Hephaestus did the inlay work on them."

The mortal sat up, looking more closely at the wristguard. "Wow, Hephaestus? Really? I've never seen any of his stuff close up. It's pretty neat. What's that?" His gaze had fixed on a small piece of raised metal near the top of the wristguard.

Joxer couldn't help smiling slightly. Most people -- the ones he allowed to get this close, anyway -- never noticed that, or if they did they assumed it was just decoration, which was exactly what they were supposed to do. Very few had ever seen it as anything else. His opinion of his twin rose yet again.

"I gave Hephaestus an idea of what I wanted and he came up with this," he explained as he pressed lightly on the raised metal. There was a soft clicking sound and suddenly the hilt of a dagger was visible above the top of the wristguard. "Cool, huh?" He pulled out the thin dagger and held it out hilt-first to his twin. "Check out how much this thing weighs."

The mortal took the dagger and his eyebrows went up in surprise. "I've never felt anything this light."

"I know. Isn't it wicked?" Joxer was smiling with genuine good humor now. They were on one of his favorite subjects: weaponry. He could go on about it for days and he wouldn't hesitate to do so if the mortal was interested, which he appeared to be.

"Yeah," his double responded, handing back the dagger, "but why do you wear it? You're a god so you don't need to defend yourself."

"I like it," Joxer replied as he slid it back into place, the device resetting with another click. "See, I have this thing about weapons, I don't really need them but I totally love them; know what I mean?"

His double nodded, smiling for the first time since Joxer had seen him. "Me too. When I was younger I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about what kind of weapons I'd have when I was a warrior. I had them all pictured in my mind and I thought it was gonna be great." His smile dimmed a bit. "But I never had enough to pay a smith to make them for me. I had to settle for, well, for what I had when I showed up here, and it took me a real long time to save up enough just for that."

That explained the mortal's attachment to that pile of metal.

"That sucks," said Joxer, surprising himself by actually feeling a trace of sympathy. "I never have to worry about money or anything like that. One of the perks of being a god."

"You're lucky. I tried to join Xena's army because I thought I could earn enough there to afford some better stuff, plus I'd get to fight, but she didn't have an army anymore and Callisto wouldn't let me into her army. So I just make do with what I have."

The mortal wasn't really smiling at all anymore. He was looking a bit depressed, so when he changed back to the original subject, Joxer wasn't all that surprised.

"Did Hephaestus make all of these?" The mortal motioned vaguely to the weapons Joxer wore in various places -- all of the visible ones at least.

"Uh-huh. I wouldn't carry anything that wasn't made by him."

"Do you have a sword?"

"Don't want one. That's more Ares' style. I like small things because they're easier to hide."

"Hide? You mean you're carrying more?" the mortal asked in disbelief.

"Duh! I'd have to be stupid not to have something concealed, you know?"

"You've got the wristguards."

"Yeah, well, I'm just a lot more comfy if I have other options."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. Kind of." His twin looked a bit confused but didn't pursue the matter any further. "So...where do you have all your other weapons hidden?" he asked.

Joxer smirked, but with a touch of humor instead of his usual malice. "I don't tell. But you never know, I might give you a chance to find out sometime."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. So, what else do you like besides weapons?" That wasn't what Joxer had planned on asking. He still wanted to know more about the other world but at the moment he was a bit more curious about what else they might have in common.

"Well, uh...." The mortal was apparently so unused to being asked about himself that he didn't have a ready answer. "Music," he finally replied, "I love music. I love singing and, well, Mom had me take lessons when I was younger so I can play the lyre." That last admission seemed to embarrass him a bit.

"Nothing wrong with that," Joxer assured him. "I really dig music too but Mom made me take dance instead. I wanted to learn to sing but she said if dance was good enough for Uncle Ares then it was good enough for me."

"I can't dance. Can't even walk straight sometimes," the mortal's chuckle contained a touch of bitterness.

"You know, I used to be kinda clumsy when I was younger," Joxer said thoughtfully, dredging up centuries-old memories. "The dancing took care of that though. I really hate Mom but I gotta admit that she was right about making me learn dance."

"You really are lucky," his twin said with a forlorn sigh. "You've got everything going for you here."

"Kinda goes with being a god," Joxer agreed, automatically pushing away the dark thoughts that threatened to surface. There was no point in dwelling on something he couldn't do anything about. "But as long as you're here you're gonna have it good too, 'kay?" he finished. He had to conceal his twin's presence anyway so it wouldn't hurt anything to keep the man happy.

"Um, does that mean that I get to have a place to stay and something to eat?" the mortal asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Joxer replied with a frown. He took things like that for granted, apparently this Joxer was extremely fortunate if he had any of it. That didn't sit too well with him. "You can stay here and you can have whatever you want: food, wine, clothes, whatever. Just ask."

"Why?" his double whispered in a combination of shock and confusion.

"'Cause I can't have the other gods tripping over you so I need to stash you somewhere, and I like to see myself happy. So anything you need, you got. Understand?"

The mortal nodded, relief showing openly on his face. "Thanks. I was really scared when I got pushed into that...thing and ended up here. I didn't know if I'd make it to the other side or get trapped in between worlds or what, and I thought that even if I did make it I'd end up all alone, or dead."

"You're not gonna die here," Joxer promised, "and I won't leave you alone for long. You're too interesting."

"Me?"

"You see anyone else here?"

"But...everyone always says I'm annoying or a bother or a jerk or--"

"Hey!" Joxer snapped, instantly gaining his twin's silence and attention. "Listen real good, okay? As far as I'm concerned I am as close to perfection as anyone can get. Now, since you're me, what's that tell you?"

"I'm not really you, I'm just a different version of you," the mortal said quietly.

"You're not listening and you haven't been paying attention. Yeah, you're not a total copy of me, I mean you're mortal so that's way obvious, but we're really alike, or didn't you notice that?"

His twin nodded again although reluctantly. "But that doesn't mean--"

"It's good enough for me and I'm the god here so don't argue. Now since I'm saying that I'm pretty much perfection and you admitted that we're seriously alike, wouldn't that make you close to perfect too?" He grinned slightly as his counterpart tried to work his way through that logic.

"I guess so," the mortal replied uncertainly. "Maybe. I don't know?"

"Okay," Joxer sighed, seeing that his counterpart wasn't just going to accept things at face value -- which he approved of but it also made things a bit more difficult. "Try this then. The way everyone sees you depends a lot on how you see yourself. Get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, but how come no one ever treats me like a warrior then? I am a warrior," the mortal said with utter conviction.

"Well, you could say you were king of Crete too, butchya couldn't convince anyone if you looked like a peasant. Now you get it?"

"It was the armor, huh?" his twin asked unhappily.

"Probably, but if you're a total klutz like I was when I was young then that wouldn't of done you any good either."

"So what do I do?"

"What do we do, you mean," Joxer corrected him with a conspiratorial smile.

"Huh?"

Joxer couldn't help but think how cute his twin looked when he was confused like this. The God of Mischief was never confused -- always inquisitive and at rare times indecisive, but never truly confused -- so he'd never seen this look on his own face. Actually, his counterpart had a number of expressions that he didn't possess and he found it fascinating to watch.

"Clothes aren't a problem," he explained, "we can figure out what makes you look more impressive and we just dress you in it. The rest of it though, that'll take some work."

"Y--You'd actually help me?"

That look of combined disbelief and shock that the mortal wore was another of the expressions Joxer found interesting. It could have been considered comical but it was also strangely appealing. He'd have to think about that later.

"I told you you could have whatever you wanted, remember?" he said. "So is that what you want?"

"Can you get me back to my world?" his twin asked suddenly.

Joxer decided that honesty wouldn't hurt here. "Nope. Not by myself anyway. I'd have to have another god help and that's taking a pretty big risk."

The mortal nodded. "Then yeah, it's what I want."

"Cool." Of course even if he'd been able to open the vortex himself Joxer wouldn't have sent the mortal back. Not yet anyway. He'd been pretty bored lately and this was just what he'd needed. He had no intention of letting his double go so soon.

"So what do we do first?" the mortal was asking.

"Not much. We got plenty of time so why rush it? I wanna know more about you."

"Um, okay, I guess. But, what about you?"

"You wanna know about me?"

"Uh-huh."

"No prob, but later. You first."

His twin shrugged. "I'm from a long line of warlords. I wanted to be a warlord too until I got to know Xena. Now I'm trying to be a hero just like she is. Sometimes I travel with her and Gabby, but I'm mostly on my own now. That's it."

Obviously that wasn't it but there had to be a reason the man didn't want to go into details and Joxer guessed that it wouldn't be a good idea to push him. Not right now at any rate.

"Your turn," his twin prompted.

"What do you need to know? I'm a god. That kinda says it all."

"So...all you do is cause mischief?"

"Basically, but it's the way I do it that makes the whole job interesting."

"You kill people?"

"When I need to." Or when he felt like it but he certainly wasn't going to say that. Apparently his twin had a conscience and morals and a number of things that Joxer didn't care for -- but he had them too, they were just less well-developed.

He suspected that if his counterpart had never met Xena then they would've been even more alike than they were now. Having friends that cared about the rights and wrongs of things made a difference and Joxer briefly wondered how he would've turned out if he'd hung out with Cupid's side of the family more instead of Ares'. Maybe he was looking at an example of it right in front of him.

It didn't matter, he decided. They were what they were and it didn't mean they couldn't like each other...or more.

The thought didn't really surprise him. He'd been noticing things about his twin that he found appealing or outright attractive, it'd only been a matter of time until this occurred to him. But what to do about it? Just from what he observed he was willing to bet that the mortal had little experience and was shy on top of it. Screwing his counterpart probably wasn't something this Joxer had or would consider -- not without a bit of prompting anyway.

"What?" the mortal was frowning.

"Hmm?" Joxer hadn't been paying attention while he was thinking so he'd missed anything his twin might've said.

"You were just staring at me."

"Right. I was thinking," Joxer replied. There were two approaches here: direct and seduction. He always preferred the first one but he was fairly certain it wasn't going to work here. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try just as long as he didn't push too much and scare the man.

"Thinking about what?"

"About how good-looking I am," Joxer answered as he reached out and brushed the man's hair back from his face.

The mortal's eyes widened. "I, uh, really don't--"

"Shh," Joxer whispered, cutting him off. Sliding a hand around to the back of his twin's neck, he pulled him closer. "Just tell me one thing," he continued to whisper, leaning towards him until their noses almost touched, "what would you do if I kissed you?"

The mortal swallowed hard. "Um...pass out?"

Joxer couldn't help it. That reply combined with the way the man's voice nearly squeaked was too much. He started laughing. Releasing his twin, he fell back on the bed, letting the mirth take over for a few moments. The mortal just sat there and watched him, obviously torn between wanting to laugh himself and fear that Joxer would continue pursue the other matter when he pulled himself back together.

"You sure know how to ruin the mood," Joxer said once he could speak without laughter getting in the way, "but at least you do it the right way."

"Thanks, I think," his double replied with an uncertain look.

"Okay, so let's talk about something else." Joxer linked his hands behind his head and nudged the man with his knee. "How about clothes? What d'you see yourself wearing?"

His twin brightened immediately. "I've got a lot of great ideas. I mean, traveling with Xena you see some neat things and I've always wanted to try them so...."

Joxer lay there, listening to some extent but mainly focused on the mortal himself, studying him as he spoke.

he mortal hadn't been kidding, he really did have trouble just walking. Joxer shook his head as he dumped his once-again unconscious twin on the bed. How could someone walk into a wall like that? The doorway had only been a couple paces to the left so how could the man miss it? Even at his clumsiest in his youth, the God of Mischief had never been this bad. He was beginning to wonder if introducing his counterpart to the concepts of coordination and grace was beyond his abilities. Still, he didn't give up easily.

The bruise forming on the mortal's forehead looked pretty bad but with a god around injury wasn't a problem. Until he'd met this man, Joxer hadn't done much in the way of healing things. Now he was getting plenty of practice. Once the bruise and any internal damage was taken care of, Joxer decided to just let his twin sleep instead of waking him up as he had the past few dozen times over the last couple days. The man was a walking disaster and he was probably safer asleep anyway.

Joxer had things he needed to attend to but he didn't feel all that comfortable leaving the mortal by himself. His twin had strict instructions not to leave the temple but he was the curious type and Joxer didn't trust that not to get the better of him. Besides, he was a danger to himself just wandering around. It was actually pretty amazing that he hadn't already managed to trip and fall on his own sword or something.

To be on the safe side Joxer had removed anything that looked remotely dangerous from the temple grounds but he had no doubt that his twin would somehow -- and purely by accident of course -- manage to turn something as harmless as a piece of parchment into an implement of mass destruction. Joxer was starting to believe that in his own way the mortal was more dangerous than he was. The thought made him like his twin even more.

Looking down at the mortal who now slept peacefully, Joxer debated what to do. He hadn't checked on the other gods since the day before yesterday and it was a seriously bad idea to be out of the loop for that long. If he stayed away too much longer they'd start to get suspicious -- if they weren't already -- and come looking for him. It would only be a matter of time then before his secret was discovered.

Joxer prided himself on being able to ferret out the most closely guarded secrets of any god or mortal and he never had any fear that they would do the same to him, mainly because he didn't have any, and that was his biggest advantage over all the others. He lived his life openly, always had. He went to great lengths to make sure everything he did was eventually common knowledge and by doing so eliminated any possibility that it could be used against him. It was so much easier, he'd discovered early on, to use, manipulate and blackmail people when there was no conceivable way that they could do the same to you. Sure, it probably made him one of the most despised gods on Olympus, but what were things like friends and popularity compared with having the means to force nearly anyone to submit to his will? It was a power trip he never tired of.

But now he had a problem. For the first time in his life -- or at least since he was very young -- he had a secret that could potentially destroy him. If any of his countless enemies discovered that his counterpart from one of the other worlds was here, it would be open season on him.

He really didn't know if killing this Joxer would end his own life. He was a god so maybe it took more than that to kill him, plus he was way older than his twin so there was a chance his survival didn't depend on that of this mortal's. It wasn't, however, a chance he was willing to take.

So that meant he was still stuck trying to figure out how to keep his twin out of trouble -- at least until he had the time to show the mortal how to do it right. It seemed the only good option was to lock him in the room. It would probably frighten him but it was better than taking the risk that he might get himself killed. The only other thing Joxer could think of was to chain his double to the bed, but that just gave him too many...other ideas, so he went with his first thought and locked the door.

The mortal was more than likely going to be angry at him for doing it, although he would probably be more scared than anything else. Either way Joxer could deal with it, he could probably even turn it to his advantage. He'd have to see about that when he got back.

Standing amidst the carnage, the God of Mischief contemplated the irony of always being right. Sometimes it really sucked.

It looked like it'd been an incredible battle. There were corpses strewn for almost a league in all directions. The ground was so blood-soaked that dark-red mud was slowly pooling around his feet. The air was thick with the black smoke pouring off of the still-burning village to the East and the stench of it all was enough to gag even a hardened warrior.

Really it was one of the more beautiful sights the young god had seen in his life. When Ares started a fight he definitely did it right. This was all just so...wonderful, and Joxer had missed out on being a part of its creation.

"Fuck!" he spat, kicking at a stray appendage.

He'd suspected that his uncle was arranging something big and he'd decided to follow up on his hunch later. He knew better than to ignore his instincts. It'd been a bad decision -- but not a wrong one. He was never wrong. Sometimes he was a bit off or maybe on occasion he wasn't quite on target, and in rare instances, like now, he miscalculated; but he was never wrong. He was absolutely certain of it and that was all that mattered to him.

Now to salvage what he could out of this mess. He was a firm believer that no situation was never completely hopeless. There was always hope and quite often a lot more than that. You just had to look carefully.

At the moment Ares was probably wondering why his nephew had missed a battle like this. He was probably even beginning to suspect that the recent punishment he'd handed out had finally broken the God of Mischief. Joxer had to come up with a way to disabuse him of that notion fast.

He had no ambitions towards his uncle's job, it wasn't his forte. He liked what he did just fine and it liked him. But he couldn't appear at all weak to Ares. The God of War had no tolerance for weakness, especially not in family, so if Joxer didn't come back just as strong as before then he was dead. Forget the "no killing other gods" rule, if Ares didn't find a way to knock him off, Discord sure would. There was no room for error or mercy on Olympus.

With that in mind, Joxer looked around the battle field again, this time looking past what was readily apparent. Ignoring the corpses themselves he studied their weapons and manner of dress. It was difficult to see much of anything beneath all of the soot and blood and dirt but after a few moments he frowned in disbelief. No way was it this easy.

Dropping to one knee beside a marginally intact corpse he picked up its helmet, ignoring the fact that the head came with it. Looking closely at the design he then compared it to that of another helmet nearby. A couple seconds later he tossed the helmet with head off to the side and stood.

"And Unc says I'm not subtle?" he snorted as he wiped off his gore-covered hands on his pants. "Tartarus, even Hercules could figure this out -- if he knew everything," he muttered the last part to himself with a smirk.

There were only three people besides Ares himself who could possibly know why the God of War had precipitated this battle and since the other two were 'Dite and Cupid it was pretty safe to say that Joxer was the only one who had made the connection. He was the only one of them who could think like Ares, or would want to.

Joxer had learned his never-say-die attitude from his Uncle. Ares didn't quit easily, sometimes not at all. He could be defeated again and again and he'd only consider it a minor setback -- Xena was a prime example of that. The problem was, Ares' patience did wear out a bit too quickly, prompting him into rash moves like this one. Fortunately for him the true purpose of this mess wasn't going to be made commonly known, not by his nephew at any rate.

One thing the God of War could count on was Joxer's loyalty. He was completely devoted to his uncle and the only way he'd ever abandon his him was through death or if Ares betrayed him. The former scenario was unlikely and the latter even more so. Ares wasn't foolish enough to do something like that.

With this matter settled the God of Mischief turned his attention to other things. He needed to check in on a few of the minor gods -- especially Discord -- and a couple of the major ones like Hera. Now there were two women that always had something to hide but were really bad at doing it.

The afternoon was definitely looking up.

Unlocking the door with a slight wave of his hand Joxer opened it to find his twin sitting on the floor just a few paces away looking pretty dazed.

"O--kay," Joxer drew out the word as he shut the door behind him, "let's see, I've been gone, what, four or five hours? So you've laid yourself out about how many times now? Two? Three?"

"Five," his double muttered.

"Really? Wow, that's like once an hour. Guess it's good to have goals, huh? That, um, was what you were aiming for, right?" Somehow Joxer managed to keep the smile off of his face.

The mortal shot him a brief glare before wincing and rubbing his forehead.

"So did you just wake up? Again," he couldn't help adding and this time the humor crept into his voice.

"Yes, and it's not funny!"

"Maybe not to you," Joxer giggled. "So how'd you keep doing this anyway?"

"You locked me in here! I was trying to get out!" his double snapped, his tone a mixture of anger and hurt feelings. "I just, well...I kinda kept hitting my head on the door," he finished in a grumble.

"Yeah? Well color me surprised." Joxer leaned back against the door, varying between giggling and straight-out laughter.

If the mortal had continued to protest or argue with him it probably would have eventually sent him into convulsions of laughter, but it was the silence that caused him to settle down and take a close look at his counterpart.

The man was still sitting there but now he was staring at the floor, his face expressionless. It was easy to see that something wasn't right.

Pushing away from the door Joxer walked the short distance to his twin and knelt beside him.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked without a trace of the humor he'd displayed just seconds before. When he received no reply he gently grasped the mortal's chin and turned it towards him. After a few moments of studying the look in those soft brown eyes he wasn't sure what disturbed him more, the hurt he saw there or the fact that it bothered him so much.

There was a huge difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them and Joxer knew it, he just got a real kick out of laughing at people. But not this one. There was nothing funny here.

"They used to laugh at me," he found himself saying, still looking into his twin's eyes, "the other gods. Remember I told you that I used to be pretty clumsy? Well a lota the others made fun of me. They pushed me around because I was smaller, less powerful, and I couldn't fight back."

"What'd you do?" the mortal asked quietly.

"Same thing most people do when they get picked on. I waited 'till I grew up and then got revenge."

There was confusion on his twin's face so he clarified a bit. "When mortals get messed with when they're young a lot of 'em grow up and get jobs that let them torment the guys that picked on them. You know; accountant, tax collector, lawyer -- you get the point. That's what I did."

"You became the God of Mischief?"

"I was always God of Mischief, I just took it to extremes." Joxer couldn't help the cold little smile that passed briefly across his lips. "It's kinda funny. They hate me but they don't even get that they're the ones who made me."

"But I'm already grown up and people still hurt me, laugh at me," the mortal's gaze turned accusing.

To apologize would to be to admit that he'd been wrong and he couldn't even begin to consider that. Instead Joxer placed his free hand over the numerous bruises on his counterpart's forehead.

"Black and blue look pretty hot on you, but not like this." A single thought, a flash of light, and the mortal was healed. Again.

His twin didn't thank him and Joxer didn't expect it. The man was still upset and had a right to be.

"What happened to you?" the mortal asked.

It was a moment before Joxer figured out that his double was referring to the dried blood still on his pants and probably other places as well. He'd gotten busy and had forgotten to clean up after his visit to the battle field.

"I was out looking at some of Unc's work," he replied. He'd decided to be truthful whenever possible with his double, it just made things easier. He had to admit that it also felt good to be able to talk to someone.

"A war?"

"Just a battle, but I still shoulda been there."

"You missed it...because of me?" the mortal asked hesitantly, as though frightened that Joxer would hurt him.

"No, because of me. I mean, yeah, you distract me but that's my fault and it's mostly cool. I can deal."

His twin just nodded, looking away.

"Well, I need a bath and one wouldn't hurt you much either. So let's bump off two birds with one battle-axe, huh?"

While the mortal tried to figure out the butchered cliche Joxer snapped his fingers and a large bath filled with steaming water appeared in the middle of the room.

"Y--You want me t--to...?" his twin was staring alternately at the bath and back at him.

"We're both kind of a mess, you know," Joxer said, standing and walking over to the bath, "and I don't know about you but I can never get that spot in the middle of my back without help."

The mortal appeared to think it over for a few seconds before nodding. "Okay, I guess."

"Then come on." With a thought Joxer was naked and submerged in the bath. Closing his eyes he leaned back against the side, enjoying the feel of the hot water. He'd get to the washing part after his twin joined him.

"Why don't you just, you know, snap your fingers and get us clean or something?"

"'Cause this feels like so much better," Joxer said, sinking further into the water until it reached his chin.

He didn't open his eyes until the motion of the water indicated that the mortal had finally gotten into the bath. His twin looked nervous and that definitely needed to be taken care of. The whole point of this was to get him to relax.

"I'm the god here so I get to go first," Joxer announced with a smile just before a washcloth and bar of soap appeared in the mortal's hands.

"You, uh, want me to, um...to--"

"Just get my back, 'kay?" Joxer interrupted. Turning he crossed his arms on the edge of the bath and rested his chin on them.

Just as he'd suspected, his twin seemed to develop a bit more courage when he didn't have to face him. It was only a few seconds later that Joxer felt the washcloth touch him. Hesitantly at first but then with more ease the mortal began scrubbing his back.

As fond as Joxer was of spilled blood it really did tend to itch once it dried and it was something of a relief to have it gone -- although he was wondering how it'd managed to get back there. He hadn't exactly rolled around on the battle field, not since he was a kid anyway, but it really wasn't that big of a concern. He put it out of his mind and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the soft cloth on his skin.

"Get my neck too, huh?" he mumbled, sighing with pleasure when the mortal complied. He really liked having someone else bathe him, unfortunately there just weren't that many people he trusted enough to turn his back on them.

"Okay, I'm done."

Joxer almost moaned in disappointment. They'd definitely have to do this again once he'd convinced his twin to do a lot more than his back.

"So, um, why did Ares start that battle?" the mortal asked as Joxer took the washcloth from him.

"Officially? Because Jason won't build a temple to him," Joxer replied as he began quickly washing off the rest of his body.

"Jason?" His twin frowned. "Why would Ares want him to build a temple?"

"Like, duh. The dude's king of Corinth. It's a major city. It should have a temple to the God of War in it."

"You mean Jason's still the king in this world?"

"That's what I said," Joxer paused a moment to dunk his head under the water and rinse his hair. When he resurfaced he looked at his double curiously. "You're saying he's not the king in your world?"

"Not for a couple years now. He had to give up the throne because he married Alcmene."

"Alcmene? Wait a sec, are we talking the same chick here? Hercules' mom?"

"Uh-huh. I heard it was a really big wedding and it was all real nice -- except for when Hera's monster showed up and started eating everyone, but Hercules killed it and everyone was okay."

"Too bad." Joxer muttered. "I just can't believe Jason would do that," he said aloud. "I mean, is he on the slow side in your world or what? You don't give up a kingdom just 'cause you got a hard-on for some babe. Why couldn't he just bang her on the side or something?"

"He loved her! Isn't love important?" the mortal protested.

"When you're a king? No. Ares always says that a good king puts his people's needs above his own. Sounds like your Jason's a real twit."

"He did what he thought was right."

"If he was thinking then he sure wasn't using the head on his shoulders."

His twin gave up with a frustrated sigh. Joxer just grinned. "Okay, forget about kings and politics and stuff. Turn around," he instructed calmly.

The mortal looked uncertain but obeyed, visibly relaxing a few moments later when Joxer began working some of the soap into his hair. "What'd you mean when you said you took your job to ex--extra--"

"Extremes," Joxer corrected, "and it's complicated."

"Oh." The mortal's tone indicated that he was used to people assuming he was too stupid to understand things.

"I blackmail people," Joxer said. That was seriously condensing it but he wasn't sure how much he should say.

"Who?"

Joxer smirked. "Everyone important. Rinse your hair," he ordered.

While the man dunked his head Joxer made some quick decisions. For his own safety the mortal couldn't be completely ignorant of what he did. If he at least had an idea of why his life was in so much danger here it might make him more willing to stay where Joxer told him to.

After the mortal resurfaced, Joxer worked more soap into the washcloth and started on the man's back.

"I'm no good at messing with people one-on-one, know what I mean? I tried it when I was first starting out in my job and I just got my ass kicked, so most of the time I work it from a different angle."

"Blackmail?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I use seduction or I manipulate someone or I trade favors."

"What d'you mean?"

"We don't use money on Olympus, we use favors. Let's say Apollo needed something and I got it for him, he'd owe me then. So whenever I wanted something from him he'd have to do it for me, get it?"

"That sounds dangerous."

"It is. Some of the gods are really sick, if you know what I mean. You don't wanna be owing them anything."

"Are you one of those?"

Joxer was surprised the mortal had the courage to ask that. If anyone else had they'd be dead, but coming from his twin it just made him smile. "Me? Hades, no. I'm the picture of innocence."

His twin turned slightly to look at him, eyebrows raised.

Joxer giggled at the expression of disbelief on the man's face. "Guess I'm not too convincing, huh?"

"So who owes you?" the mortal asked, turning back around.

"Who doesn't?" Joxer replied seriously as he finished up washing the man's back and moved on to his shoulders. "You know, the point really isn't to make everyone do stuff for me, the fact that they know I can is enough."

"So what about all the things you know about everyone?"

"Depends. Sometimes it's enough to just threaten them with it but sometimes I gotta use it to get something done. Besides, some secrets won't do me any good if I don't use 'em. I mean, wouldn't do much good to tell some king that his enemy's planning to invade if the army's already sitting outside the castle gates, see what I'm saying?"

"Uh-huh. Sounds like a lot of work though, trying to keep up with everything people are planning and stuff."

"It is. I couldn't do it if I wasn't a god."

Knowing that his twin would want to finish washing on his own, Joxer handed him the washcloth. Instead of moving away though, he rested his chin on his counterpart's shoulder.

"You know why I'm telling you all this, Joxer?" he asked quietly.

The mortal shook his head.

"'Cause most of the other gods and a whole lota mortals hate me and you need to know why just in case one of them catches you or something."

"Catch me? Do people know about me?"

"No, but secrets don't stay too secret for very long around here. I'm just making sure I got things covered."

"But, if I get captured, will they...kill me?"

"Maybe. If it's a god it depends on the god. If it's a mortal they'll wanna torture you to find out if you know anything useful about me."

"But I don't."

"You're gonna because I'm not done telling you stuff. Besides, the kinda mortals that hate me are really into torture so they'd do you anyway. You might as well have something to tell them."

While Joxer spoke the mortal bathed himself, listening to Joxer's voice near his ear, oblivious to the way the god's eyes were roaming over him. The water was a bit murky but not enough to obscure much of anything and Joxer had a great view. They really were identical in form down to the last detail, and Joxer always thought that he had a gorgeous body. His twin definitely measured up.

"Look, I just like to plan for everything I can think of; it's not like I'm just gonna let some wacko grab you or anything," he continued.

"A wacko's already got me." The comment was barely audible the way the mortal muttered it under his breath, but Joxer caught it.

For a moment there was silence and his twin stiffened as he realized that he'd been heard. Then Joxer laughed aloud, his arms going around the man's waist, hugging him close.

"You're a total blast, you know that?" Joxer said with a wide grin before resting his lips against the man's ear. "And you're absolutely right," he whispered. Then he kissed the mortal's neck and released him.

"Come on, we're clean enough," he said as he stood and stepped out of the bath. A towel appearing in his hands and he began drying off.

The mortal was staring at him in complete confusion. He really did look adorable with that expression.

"Come on," Joxer repeated.

His twin got out of the bath, blushing a bit when the god didn't look away. Joxer tossed him the towel and walked over to the bed, a pair of his usual black leather pants materializing on him just before he dropped onto the mattress.

"Um, where're my clothes?" His twin was trying to keep himself covered with the towel while he looked around the room.

"Forget about them and come over here," Joxer instructed, making the bath vanish with a thought.

The mortal looked at him suspiciously.

"Just come here." This time he made it a command.

His double finally obeyed, stopping at the edge of the bed.

"Lay down on your stomach," Joxer ordered.

"No way." The mortal started to back away.

A flash of light and suddenly he was laying on the bed with the God of Mischief straddling his waist.

"You're too paranoid," Joxer informed him as he began to massage the tense muscles of his twin's upper back. "Now, you wanna know what's going on the next couple days?"

Apparently finally understanding that Joxer's intentions didn't go beyond simple relaxation, the mortal crossed his arms under his chin and nodded slightly.

"That's better," Joxer said as he noted the lessening of tension in the body beneath him. "Tomorrow I'm gonna find Uncle Ares and see what he's planning next. I'm gonna get in on it somehow and that could keep me busy the next day or so, depends on what he'll let me do."

"So you're gonna lock me in here the entire time?" his double asked in a pitiful tone.

"Don't whine," Joxer ordered, giving him a light slap on the ass.

"Hey!" the mortal protested.

"No, I'm not keeping you in here," Joxer said, ignoring the man's protest. "The door's gonna be open and you'll have everything you need to eat and drink, I just need you not to leave the temple. Deal?"

"You keep telling me that."

"And I mean it. I don't think anyone'll bother coming here, it's not like a big tourist attraction or anything, but it's still too much of a risk for you to be wandering around outside. If anyone sees you we'll be in some serious trouble."

His twin started to ask something else but instead gasped as Joxer found a particularly tight knot of muscles in the middle of his back.

"Where'd you learn to do this?"

"Cupid taught me a real long time ago," Joxer replied, moving lower.

"You and him...?"

"Centuries ago. I don't see a lot of his side of the family, we've had...problems. But I learned a lotta pretty cool stuff from 'em, like this." He dug his thumbs into another knot of tense muscles.

The mortal just moaned.

It was tempting to go even lower, to turn it from a simple massage into something sexual, but Joxer resisted the temptation. He had his suspicions about a couple things and he wasn't going to rush this. Besides, he still had to think about what he was going to do tomorrow and he needed to focus on that.

"Okay," he gave the mortal's ass another slap as he moved off of the man's limp body, "get some sleep and try to stay outta trouble until I get back."

"It's not like I go looking for it," his twin mumbled.

"I know, it just finds you, and that's one of the things I like aboutch you. I'll check you later, okay?"

and I've got the captain of the guard wrapped around my finger so I won't have any problem getting him to desert, but he's a coward so...."

Ares tried to maintain an expression of interest but he had a hard time not falling asleep. He'd sent Discord into the king's palace at Corinth to see if any of the guards there could be persuaded to turn against Jason, maybe even to kill him and save a lot of time and trouble. He should've known she'd want to relay to him every tiny detail of her mission in the hopes of impressing him. He wanted to tell her to shut up but getting his sister angry wouldn't help him right now. He needed her on his side.

"...but I think I could talk the king's advisor into it, provided I gave him the right incentive of course...."

How long could this possibly go on? Ares didn't want to know but it looked like he didn't have any choice except to sit there and find out, and appear totally entranced while doing it.

Fortunately Discord's endless monologue was interrupted by the sound of the temple doors banging open.

Ares sat up straight in his throne, all traces of tiredness vanishing as he watched his nephew stroll into the temple, his pale face expressionless.

So the leech was back. He'd turned up on Olympus a couple of days ago but no one had seen him since then and that never meant anything good. Ares knew he wasn't the only one who'd been wondering -- and worrying -- about what the little psychopath was up to.

Ares couldn't concern himself with that just now though. Glancing over at Discord he noted the loathing on her face. First he had to worry about how his sister and nephew were going to deal with each other. It was debatable which of the two minor gods hated the other more but it didn't matter when they were at each other's throats. Nearby mortals usually didn't survive their confrontations and even most of the other gods ran for cover. Ares tensed as Joxer approached Discord.

Suddenly Joxer opened his arms wide and a huge grin appeared on his face. "Mommy!" he exclaimed loudly, then he threw his arms around her.

Ares mentally checked the stability of the temple foundations.

Discord stiffened and her face began to turn red. "Get off of me you fucking maggot!" her shriek echoed throughout the temple.

Joxer just tightened his hold. "I missed you so much!" He sounded utterly sincere.

"Quit touching me, you disgusting piece of slime!"

"Oh you say the nicest things, Mommy!" He was practically cooing now.

Without her hands free, Discord couldn't use her powers, but she struggled to free herself from her son's strong grip.

"I'm so proud of you, Mommy!" Joxer continued, appearing oblivious to her struggles. "Did she tell you, Uncle Ares?" he looked over at Ares inquisitively. "The Persian army just made her their mascot. Apparently she spends a lot of time with them."

"Shut up, you sickening piece of--!" she was cut off by Joxer's arms tightening even further, making her gasp for air.

"The Persian army?" Ares raised an eyebrow at his sister. "I don't recall giving you permission to toy with them."

"He's lying!" she snarled back.

"You know that's not true, Mommy. Oh, and did I forget to tell you what a wonderful job you're doing finding an assassin to get rid of Evander?"

"What!" Ares snarled, coming to his feet.

"No! He's lying!" Discord repeated desperately. "I wouldn't do that!"

"I warned you about trying to harm my son! Get away from her, Joxer," he ordered coldly.

"Yes, Uncle Ares," his nephew said pleasantly. He gave Discord a quick peck on the cheek and then released her, jumping back before she could swing at him.

Then she was thrown back against the far wall by a bolt of lightening. Ares kept her hanging there for a few moments before cutting off the stream of power and letting her fall to the floor.

"This isn't over, Discord," he said, "but there are other things I have to see to right now. I'll deal with you later."

Sitting back down Ares turned his gaze on his nephew who was wisely hiding any enjoyment he got from the spectacle. "Sit," he commanded, pointing to the spot on the dais directly in front of him.

Joxer obeyed without comment, sitting and leaning back against the throne, between his uncle's legs.

Turning his attention back to Discord, Ares saw that she'd managed to pull herself to her feet. "Go back to Corinth and keep an eye on things," he ordered. "I don't want you leaving there until--" he stopped, distracted by the feel of a hand moving slowly up and down the inside of his leg. On each upward slide it seemed to move a little higher, "--until I tell you to," he finished. "If this captain is such a coward then you with all of your...talents," he sneered as he spoke the word, "should be able to convince him to kill Jason." He spread his legs a bit wider, allowing the touch to move to his thigh.

"What about the advisor?" Discord asked, her tone betraying her disgust at the scene taking place before her.

"Kill him. I don't need an ambitious mortal messing up my plans if he doesn't think he's getting what he deserves." Ares couldn't help glancing downward when he felt the hand replaced by a mouth.

There was a wicked look in his nephew's dark eyes as Joxer started at Ares' knee and began slowly kissing and biting his way up the leather-clad thigh. Ares heard Joxer growl softly and his cock jumped.

"Oh Joxer." Discord's too-sweet tone caught Joxer's attention and he paused in his journey up his uncle's leg to look at her. "Ever wondered who your father is?" she asked, looking pointedly at Ares.

Joxer just smiled serenely. "No, Mommy, but I bet you do." Then he turned his attention back to Ares.

Discord made a wordless sound of fury.

The God of War hid a smile. They all knew Ares wasn't Joxer's father; that had just been a futile attempt by Discord to provoke Joxer.

"When will you have the mercenaries attack?" Discord asked, her tone icy.

"By mid-afternoon." Ares bit back a moan as teeth nipped at the leather covering his cock.

"Should I do anything else before then?"

"Nothing, and...mmm...and don't let Jason see you." He could feel the tongue tracing the outline of his hard cock even through the leather and this time he couldn't stop the moan that came to his lips. Suddenly his nephew stopped, making Ares snarl in warning.

Joxer looked over at Discord. "You know, if he does catch you, you could just say that you were one of the whores the guards keep around the palace. I mean, it's not like you'd have to act or anything."

Discord's eyes widened, cold fury shining in their depths.

"Enough," Ares' commanding voice headed off anything his sister might have done. "You've got your instructions, now go."

With one last glare in Joxer's direction Discord vanished.

"And you," Ares' voice deepened as he looked down at his nephew, "get back to it."

Raising up on his knees, Joxer smiled seductively and slid both hands up the insides of Ares' legs, pushing them further apart. Lowering his head he bit down on the inside of Ares' upper thigh, making him gasp.

"So what d'you want me doing?" Joxer asked as he moved back up, biting at the leather around Ares' cock.

"What d'you think?"

"No, I'm talking about Corinth." A hard bite near the head.

"Fuck!" Ares' voice was little more than a groan .

"I mean, you went to all that trouble to have the Mycenaens take out most of Corinth's army -- great battle, by the way, I was just too busy to be there. " Joxer drew his tongue up the hard leather-covered length. "But anyway, it'd be a real bitch if something went wrong and all that work was for nothing." Another bite, this time near the base. "Use me," Joxer said softly, looking up at his uncle.

"I am using you," Ares said with a growl, "but if you really want to help me then I have a job for you."

"Anything you want," Joxer licked his lips.

"Keep Hercules out of Corinth."

Joxer's eyebrows went up. "You're serious?"

"Yeah," Ares tangled the fingers of one hand in his nephew's hair. "And if you can do it then I'll make sure you're well rewarded. Now finish it!" He pushed Joxer's head back down.

A long, drawn out lick and Joxer glanced back up. "When I've done it, not if. And I want to do something I like this time."

"You love it all the time." Ares tried to push Joxer's head back down again but his nephew resisted.

"Yeah, but I'm tired of the usual 'two minutes and I'm gone' routine. I got something else in mind." As he spoke he let his fingers trail back and forth over the large cock.

"Whatever! Just keep going!"

"You mean it? You'll do what I want?"

"Yes!"

"Cool." Joxer grinned wickedly -- and disappeared in a flash of blue light.

"Fuck!" Ares shouted in frustration.

His nephew would pay for this. There was no way Joxer would be able to stop Hercules and then Ares could really punish him. He'd make the last punishment look like a stroll through the Elysian Fields in comparison.

The thought went a long way towards appeasing him but it did nothing for his state of arousal. He'd just have to live with it. There wasn't enough time left to deal with it himself. He had to meet with his mercenaries to make sure they didn't screw up his instructions.

Oh, Joxer would definitely regret this.

He opened his eyes slowly, expecting the world around him to start spinning -- but nothing happened. He expected his body to feel like it'd been used as a punching bag -- which it had -- but he felt fine. Everything felt fine -- except for the arm he lay on which had gone to sleep.

Pushing himself up into something resembling a sitting position, Iolaus winced at the pins-and-needles feeling invading his arm as the blood flowed back into it.

The last thing he remembered was the fist of that particularly large soldier heading towards his face. Before that...he'd been with Hercules, traveling to Corinth because of the rumors of another attack there. They were certain Ares was behind it but maybe they'd been wrong.

Soldiers emerged from the forest, Hera's soldiers. Fighting back-to-back Hercules and Iolaus had held them off, but somehow they got separated. Iolaus wasn't helpless but he didn't have Hercules' strength either and couldn't fight so many on his own, so they'd subdued him. Hercules couldn't help him either although he'd done his best. There were just too many soldiers and he couldn't work his way through them in time.

Iolaus had been quickly tied up and tossed onto the back of a horse. Then a few of the soldiers rode off with him, the rest staying behind to delay Hercules. Of course Iolaus tried to escape and once he'd almost made it, freeing himself from his restraints and trying to run off. But they caught him and one of the soldiers, the biggest of them, had beaten him until he'd lost consciousness.

So where was he now?

It was dark but not black. Dim light came through a small window or two far up near the ceiling of the room and it was enough to enable him to see. Around him were objects...a rack? Chains? Pokers?

Great. A dungeon.

But why wasn't he restrained? Where were his boots and vest, and why did it feel like the beating had never occurred? None of it made any sense--

"You okay, Sweetie?"

Iolaus groaned aloud. There was only one person that called him that and it certainly explained a couple things.

"Hello, Joxer," he grumbled. Staying seated he turned in the direction of the voice and found the god on top of the rack, reclining on his side.

"Ain't you happy to see me?" The God of Mischief actually pouted and the sight was enough to make Iolaus smile despite the circumstances.

"I guess it's better than Hera's soldiers," he grudgingly admitted.

"You guess? Well if you're not sure I can just go fetch 'em and you can compare." Some of the sweetness had left Joxer's tone.

"Okay! I'm glad to see you," Iolaus said with a resigned sigh.

"That's better. Now, how you feeling?"

"Good. Did you take care of it?"

"Yep. Had lots of practice lately so it was nothing. I just can't stand to see you hurt like that."

Iolaus didn't respond. He stood slowly, stretching stiff muscles. "So why're you here?" he asked.

"Well I figured that if I gotta keep you here a while I might as well keep you company. Sound cool to you?"

"You had me brought here?" Iolaus frowned, suddenly uncertain about what exactly was going on.

"Yeah, but I didn't tell them to work you over like that."

"So, Hera's not really involved?"

"She is, she just doesn't know it," Joxer replied with a smirk. "Those were her soldiers and this is her temple." He made a vague motion to the room around them. "Or at least the dungeon part of it. No one's supposed to know about it yet so I thought it'd be the perfect place to stash you for a couple days."

So it was about Corinth and Ares was behind it all. The rest was obvious. Iolaus had been kidnapped to force Hercules to come after him, thereby abandoning Jason and Corinth. Except Iolaus knew it wouldn't work out that way. Hercules had a deep sense of responsibility and he wouldn't run out on Jason just to save one man. But still, not knowing if his friend was dead or alive would worry and certainly distract him, and Iolaus didn't want that. He needed to escape.

"You didn't have to kidnap me," he pointed out. "It's not like I avoid you. I would've come to see you if you'd asked."

Joxer's smirk took on a hard edge. "Don't play with me, Iolaus. We both know why you're here. Now, I got some time to kill and I can spend it with you or I can go have my fun somewhere else and leave you all by yourself for however long it takes Jerkules to get here. Your choice."

Iolaus thought fast. Joxer was a manipulative son-of-a-bitch and he definitely knew how to use those daggers of his, but in an actual hand-to-hand fight without weapons a five year-old could probably take him out. Iolaus had a slight chance at getting out of here provided that he could take Joxer by surprise before he had a chance to use his powers. He decided to risk it. If he escaped he could catch up with Hercules and they could still make it to Corinth in time.

"And if I wanted you to stay?" he asked, walking towards him.

"Then we have some fun." Joxer shrugged. "Betchya don't get to have a lot of that these days."

"What do you mean?" Iolaus walked around to the head of the rack, keeping his eyes on Joxer.

"Somehow Hercules doesn't seem like the 'get wild and funky' type to me," Joxer clarified, turning over onto his back, his dark brown eyes fixed on Iolaus' face.

"Herc can be fun."

Joxer raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Right. Bet he's the life of the party, huh? Talks endlessly about his adventures, drinks everything in sight, chases anything with two legs...oh, wait, that's you. So, um, what exactly does Hercules do -- I mean, besides standing around doing his 'Mr. Morality' impersonation?"

"Okay, so maybe he isn't the most carefree guy in the world, but he knows how to have fun," Iolaus said as he grasped one of Joxer's wrists, pulling it upward.

"Lemme guess: fishing?" Joxer ventured, not protesting when one of the manacles attached to the rack was locked around his wrist.

"I like fishing," Iolaus muttered, taking Joxer's other wrist. "Besides, Herc does other things. We go to festivals and the Olympics and things like that."

"Sounds like you're dating him," Joxer said sarcastically as his other wrist was secured. "Speaking of that: when was the last time the guy got laid? It'd sure loosen him up some."

"Herc doesn't believe in frivolous sex; he wants a meaningful relationship."

"Yeah, sure," Joxer snorted. "Last dude I ran into who said that was having problems getting it up."

"Look, I don't discuss his private life with him, okay? He loved Deianeira and maybe it's just taking him a while to get over her death," Iolaus replied, testing the strength of the manacles by trying to pull them apart. They were definitely strong, and there didn't seem to be a key around anywhere. With his hands secured like that Joxer wouldn't have the use of his powers so if Iolaus was lucky it would take Joxer a long time to work himself free.

"It's been five years! You'd think the guy would have a life by now!"

"When people really love someone they don't just automatically get on with their lives when that person dies!" Iolaus snapped, and immediately wished he could take it back.

Joxer's entire body had tensed and his face had gone expressionless.

"I'm sorry," Iolaus apologized sincerely. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. We...we all grieve in different ways. It doesn't make it wrong." He didn't fight the impulse that made him gently brush Joxer's hair out of his face. He let his fingers trail down to Joxer's cheek and then linger there. Suddenly he felt pretty bad about running out on Joxer like this, leaving him chained up and alone. But he still had to do it. He'd try to make it up to him later.

"Iolaus?"

"Yes?"

"Come down here for a sec."

Iolaus leaned down, still not reading anything in Joxer's expression.

"I really am sorry," he apologized again, hoping that Joxer believed him.

"I know," Joxer said softly. "You aren't the cruel type, but I like you anyway."

Iolaus smiled slightly, the smile widening when Joxer returned it.

"Oh, and Iolaus?"

"Yeah?"

"What made you think I'd let you escape?"

Iolaus felt a shiver run through him as Joxer's smile turned to a cold smirk. His first instinct was to put some distance between himself and Joxer but before he could so much as stand up straight his arms were caught in a strong grip -- how had Joxer gotten out of the manacles?

"You're not the only thief -- 'scuse me -- former thief I hang with, you know," Joxer said, the gleam in his eyes making the mortal above him nervous. "Hera never did have the good-quality stuff in her dungeons -- go fig. Anyway, an amateur could get outta these things. You shoulda known that."

Joxer was right, Iolaus felt foolish for missing the simplicity of the locking mechanism. He'd been too busy worrying about getting out of there.

"So what now?" Iolaus asked. "You're just going to leave me here?"

"I should, that's twice now you tried to play me for a fool."

As Joxer sat up, he released his grip on Iolaus in order to reposition his hands. That was what Iolaus had been waiting for. All he had to do was get Joxer in a firm grip and force him to transport them both out of there, preferably straight to Hercules.

The moment his arms were free Iolaus lunged forward -- and found himself trapped. Somehow Joxer was behind him now, holding him in a tight embrace, pinning his arms to his sides. The arm around his neck let him breathe, but just barely.

"Make that three times now," Joxer said calmly.

"That's cheating," Iolaus grumbled.

"No, actually you taught me this move. Remember when you got back from the East? This was just one of the more...interesting things you showed me." Humor was working its way into Joxer's tone.

"I meant you reading my mind. That's cheating. But I didn't think you'd paid any attention to the fighting moves I showed you."

"Only two or three of my followers could compete with you when it comes to being sneaky and I got them under my thumb, among other things -- so of course I'm gonna read your mind. Just because I like you doesn't mean I trust you," Joxer said near the his ear. "Oh, and of course I was listening to all that fighting stuff you were showing me. I mean, the Kama Sutra was a definite kick, but Ares is just a little more interested in how well I can fight than how well I fuck. Now, what to do with you."

Iolaus waited tensely in the silence that followed for Joxer to decide his fate. If he was just left here by himself he'd eventually find a way to escape but he didn't believe Joxer would allow that. If Joxer left him here, Iolaus would undoubtedly be securely tied up somewhere.

A flash of light distracted him from his thoughts and Iolaus found his wrists shackled together before him. Well that answered his question.

"Don't be so sure," Joxer whispered in his ear. "Raise your arms."

If he didn't obey freely, Iolaus had no doubt he'd be forced to anyway, so he did as ordered. He really wasn't all that surprised when Joxer set about hooking the manacles to a long chain that was suddenly hanging from one of the ceiling beams. Just great. He wouldn't be able to sit or sleep like this and it was unlikely he'd be able to pick the lock. He'd have to wait for Hercules to rescue him and that could take days.

Joxer stepped back to look at his handiwork, humming under his breath as he looked Iolaus over. After a few moments he shook his head. "Up a bit higher I think," he muttered before moving back to Iolaus' side to readjust the chain.

As he worked the humming turned to a barely-audible singing.

"...of virility. Every woman wants him, he's so sexy it's a sin. If you need a special tryst, he's the man you can't resist. By every measure he's a prize, just check out my shoe size--"

"What?" Iolaus interrupted.

"Huh?" Joxer frowned at him, pausing in his work.

"What was that you were singing?"

"I was singing?" The frown deepened for a second, then understanding crept over Joxer's face. "Oh, yeah. That. Heard it a couple days ago and now I can't get it outta my head. Totally sucks."

Stepping back again, Joxer examined Iolaus closely, smiling in approval. "Definitely," he said, running a hand slowly down Iolaus' arm.

Iolaus had to stand on the balls of his feet to maintain his balance. He glared at Joxer but got no response.

"You're a total babe, you know that?" Joxer asked, letting his hand move down Iolaus' chest. "And that offer I made, it's still good." He looked up, meeting a pair of blue eyes.

Iolaus had to think for a moment before he realized what Joxer was talking about. "That was almost twenty years ago!" he pointed out in disbelief.

"Like I said, it's still good." Joxer stepped closer, barely leaving any space between them. "Think about it, Iolaus. Immortality. Everything you could ever want. It could all be yours. Just say 'yes'."

"Joxer...." He tried to think of a good way to phrase his refusal. "Look at me. I'm older and -- I like to think -- wiser. But I was right not to agree then and I haven't changed my mind."

Joxer smiled slightly, moving away. Iolaus expected him to disappear, to leave him to try to survive until Hercules got there, but instead he sat down on the ground. Stretching his legs out and crossing his ankles, Joxer leaned back on his hands and looked up at the mortal chained before him.

"You know what I see when I look at you?" he asked quietly, then went on without waiting for a reply. "I see that kid I found hiding in my temple that morning. You remember that?"

Iolaus nodded. It was a moment that would always be frozen in his mind. Running from his step-father's cruelty he'd hidden in the temple, unaware of what god it belonged to, only wanting to escape and not knowing where else to go. One moment he'd been alone, terrified, the next he was looking up at a man in black leather -- a god.

"Remember what happened after that?"

Again Iolaus nodded, knowing that even as the images came to him Joxer was in his mind, reliving the memories with him.

In return for his loyalty the God of Mischief had promised to protect him, and he'd kept that promise. Learning from Joxer himself as well as from some of his other followers Iolaus had become a good thief. He'd never failed to worship his god and in return he'd been protected from the scum in the towns and cities that preyed on children like him. Scum that, ironically enough, most likely worshipped Joxer as well.

As he'd grown Iolaus had continued in his worship of the God of Mischief. Joxer had often appeared to him to see how his skills were progressing, or to talk, or, as Iolaus grew older, for other things. Joxer had been his first lover and after a bit of the usual experimenting, his only one. He'd thought that his life was perfect, that nothing could make it better. Then he'd met Hercules.

"And once again Mr. Goody-goody started sticking his nose where it didn't belong and ruined things," Joxer said bitterly.

"It would've happened anyway," Iolaus pushed the memories away with a sigh. "I just wasn't meant to be a thief."

"How do you know? If that bastard had left things alone maybe you coulda been the greatest thief in history, better than Auto even."

"I didn't want that, not even then. I was just looking for a way to survive and you had the best offer, until Herc came along."

Joxer's eyes closed and a look of hurt flashed briefly across his face, so quickly that Iolaus couldn't even be certain he'd seen it. When Joxer opened his eyes only the usual wickedness sparkled in their dark depths. "He always did come running to save you, even when you didn't need saving," he said in a conversational tone.

"Not this time," Iolaus replied, seeing where this was heading. "He's probably half way to Corinth by now. He would've made at least one of those soldiers talk so he knows you sent them, and he knows you won't hurt me. So he'll be going to help Jason."

Joxer chuckled. "You wish. Those soldiers think Hera ordered me to send them. They think this is all Granny Hera's idea." He smirked at the mortal. "I had 'em leave some of your clothes along the way. Wouldn't want Jerkules losing their trail when he comes looking for you, would we?"

"He's not going to fall for it," Iolaus persisted although he was beginning to have doubts.

"Think you're confusing him with someone intelligent. He'll fall for it. But just to make sure I sent a soldier back to leave that necklace of yours on the trail. It's covered in blood so that should get hero-boy all nervous."

"Blood?"

"Oh, not yours, it's from that one soldier that decided to mess with you. I told them all not to hurt you and he didn't listen." Joxer shrugged.

"What did you do with him?"

"Which piece?"

Iolaus rolled his eyes. Typical. That "violence solves everything" attitude was one of the things that had made it possible for Hercules to win him away from Joxer.

"I'm surprised you didn't send Herc a piece of me or something," he said in mild disgust.

"I thought about it," Joxer replied lightly. "I mean, it'd sure get his attention." He stood up, brushing off his pants as he moved close to the chained mortal. "But I just couldn't decide what part to send. There's just too many good things to choose from."

Joxer reached out and Iolaus felt his hair being lifted. "This is good," said Joxer thoughtfully, "but you're way too pretty with it. Wouldn't want to spoil that by cutting it." Leaning forward, Joxer caught a lock of the golden hair between his teeth and tugged gently.

"Then I thought about your ear," Joxer was keeping his tone light and thoughtful despite his actions. "With all this hair you could cover up one missing ear, and you got another one anyway. But would Hercules recognize it as yours?"

Iolaus tried not to react as he felt the warm, wet tongue tracing the line of his ear, briefly flicking inside before moving away.

"Of course I thought about sending your tongue." Joxer's lips were moving slowly across his cheek, "but then I thought that he might actually be grateful for that since it'd mean that you wouldn't be talking so much anymore."

"What's that supposed--" Iolaus started to protest but was cut off by Joxer's mouth covering his.

For long, seemingly endless moments they kissed, tongues stroking, exploring, until Iolaus moaned and felt his cock stiffening.

Pulling away, Joxer moved downward. Iolaus closed his eyes as he felt lips parting at the base of his throat, sucking at the skin above his rapidly-beating pulse.

"A nipple's always good. People kinda take notice when someone sends 'em one of those. But I couldn't see you without both of them."

Iolaus felt the tongue flick over his left nipple and had to bite down on his lip to stop from moaning again. Then lips closed around it, sucking, licking and -- he cried out at the sharp bite, his pulse speeding up.

"Yeah," Joxer mumbled, "definitely better with both." Then he moved over to the other one and Iolaus heard himself cry out again, softly.

When Joxer finally moved away it was to continue his trip downward. Feeling the lips moving down his stomach Iolaus forced his eyes opened and watched as Joxer sank to his knees.

"Then there were the more...interesting options," Joxer said as he unlaced Iolaus' pants. "I mean, you got two of them, right? So you could do without one." He pulled off Iolaus' pants. "Except then I couldn't do this."

Iolaus' head fell back as fingers and that tongue gently explored his balls. If the chain hadn't been holding him up he would've been sprawled out on the floor. He didn't think his legs could support him.

"And there was no way in Tartarus I was gonna send this."

Hands gripped his hips and a hot mouth sucked in his cock straight down to the base. He tried to speak but a strangled gasp was all he could manage at first as Joxer's mouth slid slowly up and down.

"M-My god!" he finally managed with a groan, feeling his balls tightening.

Suddenly Joxer stopped, pulling away and sitting back on his heels. Iolaus started to protest but saw the look on Joxer's face.

"That's right, Iolaus. Your god. I always was and I always will be. You're mine." He stood, his clothes vanishing in a small flash of light. "And I take what's mine."

Iolaus was trembling as Joxer moved around behind him. He was so hard it was bordering on pain but he resented Joxer for manipulating him like this. It didn't matter though; Joxer would take what he wanted and Iolaus knew he'd love it. He'd deal with the rest later.

His hair was pulled away from his neck and a mouth fastened there briefly, teeth biting down hard. An arm went around his waist to hold him steady and he moaned again when he felt oiled fingers slip inside him, stretching him. Some still-functioning part of his mind tossed out the semi-coherent thought that being with a god definitely had its advantages, then his thoughts were scattered as fingers rubbed over his prostate.

"Right there!" he gasped out.

"Yeah, babe." It was mumbled against his neck as the fingers were removed, replaced by the blunt head of Joxer's cock. A single hard thrust and Joxer was deep inside him.

Iolaus bit down on his lip again, this time drawing blood as his body fought the burning invasion. Then the pain was changing, turning to pleasure as Joxer withdrew and pushed back into him. Unable to move he could only groan as Joxer pounded into him -- hard, short strokes that drove him to the edge but didn't push him over. Then Joxer's hand wrapped around his leaking cock and began pumping in time with his quick thrusts.

"Say my name." He heard the whisper in his ear.

Iolaus shook his head, wanting to deny Joxer something. Then teeth bit into his neck again, drawing blood this time and it was too much. Iolaus couldn't help it, he screamed, the name of his god echoing in his head and the room around them as his cock pulsed in Joxer's fist.

When he was able to think straight again Iolaus found himself still in the dungeon but now laying on a soft blanket. Beside him the God of Mischief was propped up on one elbow watching him with a slight smile.

"How you doing, Sweetie?" The smile crept towards a grin.

"How d'you think?" Iolaus groaned, feeling like he'd been run over by a speeding chariot. He didn't realize he was rubbing his wrists until Joxer took hold of one.

"Poor baby," he said after examining the cuts left by the manacles.

"Don't you dare say anything about kissing it and making it better," Iolaus warned tiredly.

"'Kay, how about I just do it?" Without waiting for an answer Joxer began slowly and thoroughly bathing the wounds with his tongue.

Against all possibility Iolaus felt his cock trying to harden again. He tried to pull his wrist away but Joxer just tightened his grip and Iolaus gave up.

"You can't get away from me, Iolaus," Joxer said in between licks. "I'm always gonna be with you. In your mind, your dreams."

"I don't dream about you," Iolaus insisted although they both knew it to be a lie.

"Then who do you dream about?" Joxer asked, switching wrists.

"I don't know...people, okay?"

"Xena? Or maybe Hercules. Do you dream about him doing what I just did? You dream about him fucking you?"

"No...sometimes," Iolaus admitted with a moan as Joxer's tongue soothed the sting of the wounds, the sensation of the rough wetness sliding over his skin driving him back towards arousal.

"Is that right? You think he'd be into this? Maybe this is too much for Mr. Vanilla. What d'you think?"

Iolaus just moaned again.

"How about Ares? You dream about him?"

"Uh-huh."

"So you want Unc too, huh?"

"No!" Iolaus found the presence of mind to deny that vehemently. The mere thought of being with the God of War like this was enough to dim his arousal. "You know how I feel about him!"

"Yeah," Joxer grinned, releasing his wrist and moving on top of him. "I know."

"Then why--" Iolaus paused, trying to think straight as Joxer began moving, thrusting against him. "Why would you ask that?"

"Take a wild guess." The grin turned momentarily cold.

Iolaus suddenly understood. The God of War had always desired him but Iolaus would never willingly become his lover and Ares didn't care for rape, so that left him lusting after Iolaus with no chance of ever having him. "H--He can't have me," Iolaus gasped out, pushing up against Joxer, "but you can, and you get off on it...you bastard." He tried to put some conviction into the insult but it sounded more like he was begging, and as their cocks continued to rub against each other he nearly did.

"Yes!" Joxer hissed, rocking against him harder. "Right on the first try. And you know what's even better?" He leaned in close, his eyes glittering with that same wicked light. "Ares is gonna reward me for this!"

That thought seemed to be the extra push Joxer needed. A final hard thrust and he was coming against Iolaus. Feeling the hot semen spill over his stomach, Iolaus suddenly found himself clutching at Joxer's shoulders, screaming his name again as he came hard.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered despairingly how he was going to face Hercules.

A blinding flash of light and a low rumble of thunder announced the God of War's arrival -- and his temper. As he strode through the main room of the temple priests scurried out of the way, not wanting to attract the attention of their furious god.

Jason was still alive and king of Corinth. Everything had been working the way Ares had wanted and it still hadn't turned out right. With Ares' presence as motivation, the mercenaries had actually attacked on time and in the right place, Discord managed to do her part by killing the advisor and convincing the captain of the guard to assassinate the king, and that bastard half-breed Hercules hadn't shown up. It'd been the perfect set-up. Ares was still trying to figure out where exactly it had gone wrong.

Jason killed the would-be assassin himself but that shouldn't have been a problem. Discord should've stepped in and finished the job. But she'd been busy fighting off the rest of the king's guards -- a bunch of mortals with a death-wish. She eventually took them all out but by that time Jason had escaped to rally his soldiers in defense of the city. The mercenaries were defeated after only a short battle. Ares had been relying on the confusion the king's death would've caused to allow his men to take the city without much fight. Without that they'd had no chance.

Now the God of War was back where he'd started and without anyone convenient to blame for it. Against all odds his nephew had succeeded. Joxer hadn't been seen for the past day or so but whatever he'd done had kept Hercules far away from Corinth so there was no way of blaming him for anything. That left Discord.

Thinking about it from different angles Ares finally decided that she should have been able to take care of a handful of mortals a lot faster than she did. She was a goddess after all, she should've just blasted them all into little piles of ash. Perhaps it wasn't perfect or even logical reasoning but it was enough for him. He needed someone to blame and now he had her. He'd deal with his sister later. Right now he needed to take some time to relax a bit and plan his next move.

Leaving the main room he kicked open the door that led to the bedroom he had kept ready for his use. Slamming the door behind him he -- stopped cold when he registered the figure reclining naked on the bed.

The candlelight bounced of a nipple ring -- and off a pair of manacles dangling from the finger of an outstretched hand.

"Welcome back," Joxer said, the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Ares had forgotten. So caught up in recent events and looking for someone to blame, he'd completely forgotten about his promise. Well, there was nothing to do except go through with it. Joxer had kept his part of the deal so now it was Ares' turn.

The thought of backing out never even crossed his mind. Promises to mortals could be broken, but not promises to another god, especially not this god. Besides, he knew his nephew's tastes and Joxer knew the limits -- no one ever topped the God of War and Joxer would know better than to even suggest it -- so Ares caught the manacles Joxer tossed him and prepared for a few hours of "fun with bondage."

"For you or me?" he asked, holding up the manacles.

"Me," Joxer replied, reaching for something behind him on the bed.

Ares smirked slightly. Now they were talking his language. Then he caught the next object tossed his way.

"You're gonna need that," his nephew said casually, reaching back again.

Glancing at the cockring Ares raised an eyebrow. Normally he didn't care much for 'Dite's side of the family but Cupid had taught the God of Mischief a number of truly interesting things and if Joxer said he was going to need this then Ares believed him. But a cockring with feathers? Things were starting to look a bit strange.

Then he saw what his nephew held now and felt an involuntary shudder run through him.

"I just love chiffon," Joxer sighed dreamily, holding the nearly-transparent, lacy, very pink nightie up against himself.

Ares dropped his head into his hand with a groan. The things you learned about your family -- that you never wanted to know.

Where had Joxer gotten that anyway? It looked like something 'Dite would wear. Looking back up at the garment Ares frowned. That was 'Dite's. He knew Joxer had finally resolved the centuries-old conflict he'd had with that side of the family but he hadn't thought they were all comfortable enough to start borrowing each other's clothes.

"That's hideous," Ares couldn't help observing.

"Hmm?" Joxer was pulled out of his revere. He'd been lightly stroking the garment like a pet cat or something. "Oh, I know," he said with a sigh, "it's not my color. But that's okay. It's not for me."

Ares automatically caught the nightie as it was tossed to him. He looked down at it in horror and then back up at his maniacally-grinning nephew.

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