So I thought, cool. I mean, how often do I hear Ares say that outside of my dreams? I figure, Unc's finally realized just how talented I am and he needs me to help him start a war. Or maybe he's decided to give me that promotion I've been hinting about for the past decade -- "God of Torment" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Anyway, I'm here now and I'm totally confused. We're all in one of the bedrooms inside Ares' temple: me and -- Gods, why? -- Cupid and Ares and some mortal with a major fashion problem. I guess me and feather-boy are just supposed to kick back and play voyeur while Ares and the skinny little mortal go at it.

Well, so much for my promotion. And I don't even get why.

Sure, Ares really digs being watched when he's boffing someone, but he's never called me in just for that and I know he's never used Cupid. So why now? And what's up with the walking scrap metal collection? Ares never that hard up for someone to boink.

I'm really missing something here. But I don't ask. I think maybe I can still figure it out on my own. I can't read the mortal's mind -- well I can, but if he's Ares' new boy-toy then Ares won't want me playing look-see in the little geek's head. I'm sure not going to ask Ares. He's got that look on his face, the one that says, "If you bother me, I'll turn you into a permanent part of the wall." No thanks.

That leaves Cupid. I don't want to ask him. I don't even want to be standing here next to him. Why'd he have to be here? And why's he whispering to me?

Oh. So that's what's up.

Seems the fashion disaster -- Joxer -- was trying to bag a couple of the girls who serve in Ares' temple. Bad move anyway, but he made it worse. He was bragging to them that he was as good a lay as Ares. Obviously the guy's crazy but Ares still called him on it.

That's why we're all here. Joxer has prove what he said is true. If he can make Ares come, then he wins. If he doesn't, he loses. And the stakes -- I can't help smirking a bit as Cupid fills me in on that part. No way is the God of War going to lose. No way he can afford to lose, not with these stakes.

Joxer wants witnesses. Wants to make sure Ares keeps up his end of the deal. So he chose the God of Love and Ares chose me. It all makes sense. Cupid'll be fair and impartial and all that moralistic crap, and I'm in Ares' corner. I'm Strife. He knows he can count on me to do something to tip the odds in his favor, if he needs it. Of course, he won't. Because he's a god and no mortal's going to beat him.

Still, this could be fun. Haven't seen Ares in action for awhile. He'll probably bang Joxer untill he can't walk and then keep going untill Joxer admits that he was wrong. Wonder if.... Nope. No ropes or manacles or anything in sight. Oh well. Might still be interesting.

A snap of his fingers and Ares is naked and on the bed, leaving Joxer to fumble out of his clothes -- or whatever that stuff's supposed to be. I'm not paying much attention to him anyway. I'm busy checking out the God of War.

Me and Ares do the horizontal tango sometimes. Not as much as I want, but it happens. I don't get much of an eyeful when we do. He's more of a 'bend over and brace yourself' type, not into foreplay. And that's okay. I like it like that. Only thing is, I really wish I could just look at him sometimes, you know? Just admire him or something. Problem is, we never make it out of our clothes so I don't get to see much. I don't have that problem now.

He's hot. Anyone who's ever seen him knows that. But seeing him in the buff -- oh baby. That bod and those looks combined with that bad-boy attitude and I'm getting turned on just looking at him. I'm not even thinking about what I want to do with him. If I did that I wouldn't be able to think straight enough to keep track of what's going on here. But maybe I don't need to. Ares can take care of this. He don't really need me. Maybe I can just stare at him and do a bit of fantasizing....

Cupid's gasp of surprise distracts me. Cupid, who I'm ignoring. Who I can't help but hear. Yanked back from my wishful thinking, I see the shocked look on Ares' face. Seeing where it's directed I shift my attention over to Joxer.

Well, fuck me! How in Tartarus did a mortal end up hung like that?

I probably look like an idiot, standing there with my mouth hanging open, but Ares and Cupid aren't looking any better. They can't figure it out either.

Maybe the fates decided to be nice to him. I mean, he got shorted in the looks and smarts departments, so maybe this was compensation or something. Actually though, now that he's got that stupid metal shit off he's not looking too bad. Kinda cute, maybe a little more than that if you add in that nice ass and that...damn, I know some Centaurs who could only wish they had that.

Joxer's trying not to smile. I can see it. He knew the reaction he'd get and I'll bet he knows exactly what he's doing here. Maybe this won't be so one-sided after all.

I expect him to just go down on Ares but he doesn't. Ares looks kind of on the surprised side too. I can see it on his face when Joxer sits on the bed and reaches up to caress his cheek.

That kind of sweet and gentle stuff never did go over well with Ares. It's totally obvious that he wants this to be fast and rough just like it always is with him. But it looks like Joxer's not getting with the program.

Joxer's kissing him, his neck, his chest; and I think Ares is starting to like it. Nothing wrong with that as long as he stays in control. Joxer's hands are busy, touching Ares, stroking down his back, nails scraping lightly. He's tonguing Ares' nipple, sucking gently. And then he bites.

Good move. Ares hisses sharply, his hands moving up to grasp Joxer's hair, to hold him there. When he realizes what he's doing, he quickly lets go.

Joxer is already moving up. He kisses Ares, hard, tongue and teeth and loud, wet sounds. And then he pulls away, his lips brushing across Ares' cheek to his ear which he nips. Alternating between hard and soft bites he works his way back down to Ares' chest. Without stopping, he slides off the bed and drops to his knees in front of Ares. His hands are moving slowly up Ares' thighs, parting them so he can kneel between them.

And he still doesn't go for it. He lets his hair trail over Ares' cock, making Ares groan, but that's all. His mouth fastens on the inside of Ares' thigh, his hands sliding slowly up Ares' legs. He's sucking and biting, leaving marks as he works his way upwards, taking his time. When he finally stops to look up at Ares, he smiles, licking his lips.

A soft voice near my ear tries to draw my attention but it's so not happening. I'm not gonna let him get to me. I'm too into what's going on here. The way Joxer's hands are moving up Ares' stomach now, the raw lust on his face...but the voice is insistent, telling me...what? That can't be right.

I look at Ares and it's true. Ares is way gone. The way he's looking at Joxer, like he wants to jump the mortal...oh man, this wasn't supposed to happen. I need to distract Ares, give him time to get back with it. But the hand on my shoulder stops me from doing anything.

It's more than enough to make me miss my opportunity to help. All I can do now is watch as Joxer, hands flat on Ares' stomach, pushes him back, at the same time taking the long, thick cock deep into his mouth. Drawing back slowly his teeth graze lightly over the sensitive skin of the head. That has Ares gasping harshly, trying to push back into his mouth. But Joxer doesn't let him. He pulls back completely and begins running his tongue over every inch of the stiff cock, one hand moving down to cup Ares' balls, stroke them with long fingers.

Cursing, Ares grabs him by the hair and pushes his head down. This time Joxer lets him have his way. Sucking down hard he takes Ares' entire cock in, drawing another gasp from Ares. He doesn't pause. He's taking it fast now and he's got Ares groaning and fighting desperately for whatever's left of his control.

Talk about way too late.

Fuck. What a show! Gods, I can't believe how hard I am and I can't do anything about it. Ares would have my head on a platter if he caught me enjoying this -- and let me tell you, it's a real bitch reattaching those things.

Ares is sprawled out on the bed, Joxer at his feet leaning on the bed, both gasping for air. And I have a problem.

No, besides that.

See, the rules of this little game say that if Joxer came first then he lost, didn't matter if Ares came or not. Problem is, he didn't. I mean, Ares was only ahead of him by a second or two but that's all it took. Joxer won.

But I don't have to admit that. See, Joxer knows he won and Cupid knows it too, but Ares'll say that Joxer lost. All I have do is agree and we have a tie. That means they'd have to do it all again and since Ares knows what Joxer can do now, he won't get surprised and he'll win. That's fact, not bragging. Joxer won't have a chance. I just have to side with Ares like I always do.

They're all looking at me.

Joxer's expression is so open. He's scared of what I'll say because he knows he can't win a second time. He's practically begging me to tell the truth.

I'm not about to look at Cupid. Too many issues there. Thought I'd dealt with them, but I guess not. Besides, I already know how he's looking at me. I know all his expressions, just as well as I know him. I don't need anything else confusing me right now.

Then there's Ares. He's sitting now, cleaned up, his clothes back in place, and that look he's giving me...yeah. I know that one. He's telling me what'll happen to me if I don't make things go his way. Of course, I already know he'll be messing me up first chance he gets because I saw him lose to a mortal, but if I don't do this for him I don't think there's any good descriptions for what he'll do to me.

And that's really what decides it for me.

For Joxer, losing means losing his life. Like I care? And lying about this will probably make Cupid disappointed with me or something and maybe that does bother me, but I can deal. No, none of that really worries me. Basically, I'm just going to follow the advice of one of the great philosophers: "If you're going to screw up, screw up big time." Ares already planning on fucking me up, so I might as well do something to deserve it.

So, I tell them that Joxer won.

Joxer grins wickedly at Ares and Cupid doubles over with laughter. Ares is just staring at me, his expression a mixture of shock and fury.

Cupid's still laughing. He has to get it out now because I know he's not crazy enough to stick around to see Ares pay up on this wager. But for what I'll end up suffering for this, you better believe I'm going to see every single moment of it. It'll be more than enough to get me through whatever Ares does to me later.

Joxer's almost finished dressing. He's still grinning and he's definitely got a right. He wants Ares to pay up now and I agree, reminding Ares that he has to. The look he gives me tells me to enjoy this while I can.

And then we leave the temple...and arrive at the center of a camp in a fraction of a second.

A quick glance around shows everyone present, although they're looking more than a little startled. Xena and Hercules and their little blond side-kicks, and even Autolycus. Cool. Full house. This'll be some major fun. I drop down beside Iolaus -- give him a quick wink, smirk at the eyeroll he gives me -- and focus on Ares, waiting.

With a brief glare in Joxer's direction Ares clears his throat and begins:

"Joxer the Mighty, Master of Virility...."

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