In the Darkness of My Soul
by Mythdefied
March, 1999

Cupid looks confused. Guess he doesn't know what to think. Well, that makes two of us.

Why am I here? I was just walking, you know, not thinking about where I'm going and like, suddenly here I am. Didn't plan it or anything. Sure, I've thought about coming back every now and then, I was just never stupid enough to do it. But I'm here now and I don't know what to say.

I should leave. Uncle Ares has it in bad enough for me already. Hate to think what he'd do if he caught me here. I mean, that's why I quit coming around in the first place, because Ares opinion matters to me more than anything else. Doesn't mean I'm not happy with him -- because I am. It's a real trip working for him and there's nothing else I need.

Looking at Cupid standing there, waiting for me to say something should be enough to prove me right. Feather-brain here's the opposite of everything me and Ares stand for. He's all sweetness and love and sentimental crap. I'm nothing like that and I don't need it.

I have to do something. Can't stand in the doorway forever. I should go and like, maybe stir up some trouble in Thebes or something. If I can do that then I can probably get back on Ares' good side.

Instead I'm walking into his room.

I haven't been inside Cupid's place since...well, it's been years. Looks pretty much the same. Still too much pastel and not enough blood-covered weaponry -- but I don't suppose that'll change anytime soon. Pillows and silk everywhere, really bad statues stuck here and there -- kind of reminds me of this harem I was in once, but without the undersexed babes.

Fly-boy's smiling at me. I think he was afraid I would just take off. Wonder what he thinks of me being here at all. Hades, I don't even know what I think of me being here. My mind's racing, trying to come up with an excuse while I just look around like I'm really interested in what he's passing off as decor. The ceiling catches my eye and I study the mural there for a few moments.

I forgot about this. Zeus, you'd think it'd be permanently carved into my mind after all the time I spent on my back here staring up at it. Of course, I wasn't always paying attention to it all those times either.

Without meaning to, I find myself remembering the long, leisurely afternoons we spent trying to copy those illustrations -- even a god has problems with some of those positions. It was some serious fun.

I'm grinning. Didn't realize it. I haven't thought about that stuff in so long.... Pushing the memories away, I look back at Cupid. He's been thinking the same things. I can tell from his expression, the way he's looking at me, just like he used to -- I don't want to see it. I turn away from him.

I have to have a reason for being here. If I think about it hard enough it'll come to me. I'm sure of it. Maybe it's got something to do with the last time I saw him. I mean, he got me in trouble with Ares, right? Okay, so maybe I got in plenty of trouble on my own, screwing Ares over like that, but I wouldn't have done it if Cupid hadn't messed things up. If he'd kept his nose in his own business, I could've helped Ares and everything would've been cool. Instead, he had to get in the way and I've been paying for it -- Ares can get seriously vindictive when someone betrays him.

Yeah, this is sounding better, more like my usual game. Being here for revenge makes sense. But then, how come I'm not angry at Cupid? I'm not really mad at all. I wasn't even when Ares was working me over. I'm just, I don't know, not bored -- tired, I guess. But tired of what? I think if I can figure that out then I'll know what I'm doing here.

Cupid's won't kick me out. I think he wants to know the answer as much as I do. Or maybe he already knows? That thought prompts me to turn back to look at him again.

He's moved. Now he's sitting in the middle of a pile of pillows -- only the God of Love would toss a bunch of pillows on the floor and call it furniture. He's watching me like he's expecting something. For someone with a whole pile of air between his ears he sure is hard to read sometimes. Like now. I don't know what he's waiting for but I feel kind of on the stupid side just standing here staring at him, so I walk over to the pillows.

I'm wondering about my sanity when I actually sit down next to him. I don't look at the guy. I need to figure out just what in Tartarus is going on in my head, and things get kinda mixed up whenever I look at him. He still has that effect on me, after all this time. I tried putting him out of my mind, you know. Tried never thinking about him. But all he has to do is smile at me and I start feeling shit again. I want to hate him for it, you know? And I've really tried! But I can't. Ares says I'm pathetic, and times like this, I have to agree with him.

A light touch on my arm and I realize Cupid's moved. I start to turn, but his hands settling on my shoulders stops me.

He's talking to me. Telling me to relax. Yeah, right! What's he up to? I'm naturally suspicious. Can't help it. My side of the family specializes in backstabbing, so I've learned to expect the worst from everyone. Even the God of Love.

But then he starts to knead my shoulders -- and it feels...good. It's been so long since he's done this to me, but he remembers. He still knows exactly how much pressure to use, where to press his fingers -- I moan as he finds a sensitive spot. Oh, yeah. I hear myself sigh in pleasure as he continues massaging the muscles in my shoulders. I could get used to this again. I lean back into his hands a bit, letting my head drop forward, giving him more room. Hades, a couple more minutes of this and I'll -- totally drop my guard!

Fuck! I can't let this happen! Time to bail before I do something really stupid!

I shake my head, trying to pull myself out of this daze. I need to get away from him, from his touch. I'm losing it and I can't be near him anymore. Then he makes my leather shirt disappear and...oh fuck, that feels so perfect. His hands on my skin, still massaging, so gentle -- how long's it been since someone touched me like this? No...no one. Only Cupid was ever like this with me. The others -- Ares, the warlords and soldiers -- it's all about them and what they want. Power, control and pain -- always that. But Cupid...he's never hurt me, never wanted to. Not even when I blew him off to hang with Ares.

Why'd I do that? I can't remember. Can't think. Not now. Not with him touching me like this. His hands moving slowly down my back, fingers pressing in just hard enough to loosen the knotted muscles, but not to be uncomfortable. I'm relaxing, my suspicions draining away like the tension he's working out of me. Don't want this to happen, but I'm not feeling like I can do anything about it, either. He's got me now, and fuck if I'm not loving it.

I'm leaning into his hands again. I feel almost...boneless, you know? Can't believe he can still do this to me. My head's resting back on his shoulder -- when did that happen? My eyes are closed, too, and I don't remember doing that, either. His hands are working on my lower back now and it feels so damn good. I'm moaning again, encouraging him despite that little voice in my head that's telling me what a big mistake this is.

But my boots and pants vanish then, and when Cupid's hands move lower, I can't even hear that voice anymore. I just feel what he's doing to me, hear him whispering, telling me how much he's missed me. How he loves touching me, tasting me -- I gasp and tilt my head to the side a bit as he licks that place just below my ear, the one that gets me so damn hot....And his hands are moving, sliding over my hips, up to my waist, then taking hold and drawing me back. I want to be closer, so I let him pull me up onto him. Now I'm straddling his thighs, my back pressed against his chest, feeling his hard cock against my ass. Damn, I love how that feels!

I push back as much as I can, wanting him inside me, needing it. He's not letting me move too much though, holding me in place when I try. Hades! Why can't he just throw me down and fuck me?

Because that's not the way Cupid plays things. Of course, he always loved it when I begged, and I'll be begging soon. Can't stop myself. He's sucking at my neck now, moving one hand slowly up my chest at the same time. His fingers find one of my nipples and he starts toying with it, rubbing lightly, making me shiver from the totally wonderful sensations that causes. Then his other hand's closing around my cock and for a few seconds I can't remember to breathe.

I'm already so hard just from what he's doing to me with his mouth, his hand on me nearly makes me come. But it's not quite enough, and Cupid knows it. He starts to stroke me, his touch just light enough to keep from sending me over the edge. I'm starting to gasp for air. Everything feels too good. I can't take it much more -- oh, fuck!

He pinches my nipple, hard, sinking his teeth into my neck at the same time. I cry out, and I am begging now. I need to come and I'm pleading with him to let me. He just bites me again, almost drawing blood this time, his grip on me tightening. I can't keep from thrusting up into his hand, and he doesn't stop me. He's whispering to me again, saying he wants me to come now, wants to watch me -- and that's what does it.

I know I'm screaming, but I can't hear it. I'm too focused on how fucking good it feels, coming in his hand, my whole body shaking from the force of it. And it seems like it goes on for hours.... Then I'm going limp in his arms.

I'm totally wiped. Don't think I could move if I tried. Feels like even opening my eyes would be way too hard. But I don't want to move anyway. This is just too excellent.

But then Cupid's laying me down on the pillows, and a few seconds later, he kisses me. I can't ignore that. No one could ignore the way he kisses. It starts out slow, just his lips pressing lightly against mine, but soon he's licking at my lips, nipping at them. Then he's working his tongue into my mouth, and I hear myself moan. It feels like he's trying to eat me alive when he kisses me like this, and he knows I love it.

I'm really responding to it now. Suddenly I'm not so tired anymore. I want to hold him here and kiss him for a while, feel his tongue relearning every inch of my mouth -- and the rest of my body. But then Cupid's pulling away. I start to protest, opening my eyes, but I stop when I see what he's doing.

He's got a gorgeous cock. I'd love to spend a few hours sucking on it sometime -- and I did, once upon a time -- but not now. Not when he's coating it with my come.

Yeah, this is what I want. I lock my legs around his waist as he grasps my hips, positioning me. And then he's pushing into me, his long, thick cock stretching me, and it's incredible. I arch up into it, wanting him in as deep as he can go. And finally he's there. It feels so totally right, having him in me like this, and Cupid's thinking the same thing, I can see it in his eyes.

Our gazes meet as he begins to pull out slowly. When he pushes back in, he angles it just right and I cry out from the pleasure that shoots through me, stiffening my cock again. Each thrust now hits that same spot inside me and I'm pushing back against him, wanting more. Wanting everything he can give me. His fingers dig into my hips and he starts riding me harder, shoving into me hard, bordering on violent, and I'm so totally getting off on it. I'm moaning his name, over and over, and he's loving it. He's made me lose control, and it's what he wanted -- what I needed. He's moving faster now, rocking into me with short, deep thrusts that make me beg for more. Then his hand's on my cock, his thumb running over the dark red head. It takes me by surprise. I'm coming before I even know what's happening. I tense up, clamping around his cock buried deep in me -- and that's enough to push him right over the edge. Sweet Zeus, it's so perfect! We're coming together, and Cupid's calling out my name, those gorgeous wings stretched out fully.... He collapses next to me, gasping for breath. We both are. And I'm smiling.

I haven't felt this good in way too long, and when he smiles back at me, I suddenly know why I came here. It's not the fucking, as awesome as it is. It's about how Cupid makes me feel. He's the only one who could ever make me smile. Not my usual sarcastic and cruel smirks, but a real smile. Because he understands me and doesn't judge me or anything. He wants me for who I am. And because of that, he's the only one I've ever truly loved.

Cupid reaches out and runs his fingers slowly down the side of my face, the caress almost as touching as the way he's looking at me. He still loves me. After all the stupid shit I've done, all the times I screwed up, it never made him care for me any less.

When he pulls his hand back from my cheek, the tips of his fingers are damp. They'd be tears, except I'm Strife, and I don't cry. But I don't stop him when he pulls me into his arms. I let him hold me because I guess he needs it...maybe as much as I do. I'll admit that. Needing to be cared about. But only here, with him.

When I finally look up at him, he smiles at me again. It's a sad smile this time and I know what he's thinking. I want to stay here, and Cupid wants me here too, but it's not happening. Maybe we can see each other, sometimes. Maybe. But we can't stay together. Things just don't work that way for us. We can have these little moments, but in the end, I have to go back to Ares and Cupid has to do his love thing. We don't have a choice. Mortals, they can make their own lives, but we're born into ours. Our destinies are already laid out for us and there's nothing we can do about it.

But we can have this. Right now. And I want to make the most of it.

I reach up and brush back his sweat-soaked blond hair, studying his handsome face. He's such a babe. All I have to do is look at him and I need him again. I want him to fuck me so much. He sees it and moves to kiss me, but I stop him. I just realized something.

You know, in all the centuries I've been around, I've learned just about every term you can think of for sex, and I picked up a lot of them from Cupid back when we were younger. But there's one he taught me I don't think I ever used. Guess I thought it was way stupid or something. Well, it's not now.

Wrapping an arm around Cupid's neck, I kiss him gently. When I draw back a while later, I smile at him, letting him see everything I'm feeling for him before I speak.

"Make love to me again."

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